In Another Life
by Mary Rose
Summary: What if things had gone very differently during that infamous night when Derek caught Addison with Mark? My version of what happened next.
1. Chapter 1

So, this is my second multi chapter story for this fandom and unlike the last one, I've only got the first few chapters written, instead of it all being finished before posting. I do know where I'm going though, so no worries that I'll abandon this without finishing. That's been done to me more times than I care to remember in my other fandoms and I don't want to do it to others. I got this idea from a fic way back in the archives but mine goes very differently. It starts on that infamous night but things go very differently. I wanted to put the dialogue from the actual episode in but I couldn't remember the title of the episode with the flashback in it to look it up on transcript sites. So, for the purposes of this fic, we'll say that he only threw her out and not her clothes too. But other than that, it goes pretty much the same except for-Well, read on to find out and do please comment. I need those like Addison needs shoes.

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Chapter 1

He'd thrown her out in the rain. Then he just stood by the inside of the door of the brownstone, listening to her sobbing and begging and pleading. He didn't know how long he sat there, crumpled by the door.

He was about to relent and let her in when there was suddenly silence. The sudden silence was unnerving. So he got up and he opened the door.

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Addison was crouched by the other side of the door, begging, pleading and sobbing. It seemed like forever to her that she had been doing this. Derek was never going to forgive her. They were over. Her marriage was over. Which meant her life was over too.

So she might as well end it now. Addison stopped all the sounds she was making and slowly got up. She figured she'd jump off of the steps. Easy and fast.

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He opened the door just as she was about to jump. It didn't register at first, what she was about to do. But then it did. He couldn't let her. "Addie!" He leapt forward and grabbed her just in time. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

She struggled in his arms. "Let me go! Let me go!"

But he didn't. He dragged her back inside. "Stop! Stop! Stop!"

It took a bit of time but she did eventually stop. She continued to sob, though. "I'm sorry, Derek. I'm so sorry."

"I know." He did. He couldn't tell you how he knew but he did. And while he was still hurt and angry over what he had walked in on, that wasn't the only thing he was. He was still in love with her. He had to be because of the fear he felt when he figured out what she was about to do. Because no matter what she'd done, he knew one thing. The world without her would be a poorer place. And Derek knew his world without her would be a poorer place. "Come on. Let's go back inside and go upstairs."

She stopped sobbing and looked at him. "Y-you mean it?"

He sighed. "Addie, I'm still upset by this but it's not worth you dying over. We'll figure this out. Just come on now and we'll go upstairs. You go and take a shower. I'll call the hospital and tell them we're taking a couple of weeks off for personal reasons. And we'll go somewhere and sort this out."

"O.K."

Soon she was scrubbed clean and in a comfortable pair of pajamas. In the meantime, Derek had stripped their bed of the sheets. They went into the garbage. She looked around and noticed that. "I had to throw them out." She simply nodded.

She also noticed that he'd pulled the lounge chair in their bedroom in front of the door. "I can't sleep with you in that bed right now but, in light of what you tried to do, I'm afraid of leaving you alone and going to sleep in one of the other bedrooms. So, I'll sleep here so if you try to leave, I'll know."

'I understand. I-I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, let's just get some sleep. O.K. Things will maybe look better in the morning."

"O.K." She got in bed. It took her awhile to fall asleep but when she did he watched her for a while before letting himself fall asleep. But they both would not have easy sleep that night.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for the comments. It means a lot to me because I really do try to do the best I can with all my stories. So, that said, let's get on with the chapter. I know it's short. Later ones will be longer and once I'm done posting the pre written stuff I will definitely try to write longer chapters.

Chapter 2

In the morning Derek started packing some things.

"Did you change your mind about leaving?" Her voice trembled.

"Addie, if you'll stop being paranoid for a moment, you'll see I'm packing both of our things."

"O.K. But why?" Where are we going?"

"I think we need to get away for a while. So we'll go to our house in the Hamptons. I know it's the off season. That'll be great. It'll be just us. We can pick up supplies on the way. All right?"

She nodded.

As they drove on the L.I.E. Derek was concentrating on the drive but he kept stealing glances at Addison. She didn't look good at all. She was pale, drawn and slumped up against the door, totally unlike the woman he had married eleven years ago. Where did his wife go and who replaced her with this woman? Maybe that explained sleeping with Mark. Maybe in the Hamptons they could work through it and Derek would find Addison again. Maybe. It was worth a shot, wasn't it?

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They pulled into the driveway and got out. Derek took charge, unloading the car and all. Addison did everything he said, mechanically. This concerned him but there wasn't much he could do about it.

Once they'd settled in and had a light lunch, that Derek had to force her to eat, Addison finally spoke. "Where do you want me to sleep? I'm assuming you don't want to sleep with me because of…"

Her voice was soft but then she did manage to go on. "So, you'll take the master bedroom and I'll take one of the smaller rooms. But which one. I guess it depends on how far away from me you want to be."

He'd never actually given that any thought. All he'd been thinking of since the shock had worn off was fixing things. If they even could. Except that the shock hadn't worn off, not really. But because his hurt and anger were still very much there he knew that wouldn't be easy. Maybe it couldn't even be done but they'd never know unless they tried. And maybe they could do it.

"Just take the master bedroom. I'll sleep on a couch that we'll move in there. You're right that I'm not ready to sleep with you yet, even without sex. But I'm still concerned about you in light of what you tried to do so…"

"All-all right. Good that that's settled."

Maybe they could do it. Maybe they could.

Or maybe they couldn't. But it wouldn't do to be so negative about it, would it? That would really mean that they were over before even trying. And he must want to right, if he had stayed? If he hadn't wanted to somewhere deep inside, wouldn't he have just packed up his stuff and left?

It wasn't like he couldn't go anywhere and start his life anew. He was a board certified neurosurgeon, the best in his field. With his credentials he could get work anywhere. Richard had been after him forever to go to Seattle. After both of them, really.

But something was keeping him here. He wasn't sure what it was, not really and not yet. But maybe answers would come in time. And if not, well, he could always leave later, couldn't he?


	3. Chapter 3

Now the chapters will be longer. I'm aiming for at least a thousand words per chapter, not including the authors note. I think I've found the key to writing longer chapters. Since I write them out in a notebook first, I will write a little at a time and then transcribe that into Word. That way I don't have to transcribe a whole chapter that might overwhelm me. Also since I freely admit that I have shitty handwriting this will lessen the chance of me trying to figure out what the hell I wrote which has happened to me when coming back to stuff I wrote at a later date. Yes, my handwriting is that bad. Lol

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Chapter 3

It was again a troubled sleep for the both of them. As if in acknowledgement of their stormy state, a real storm struck during the night. Well, it was the off season. It was only rain, not snow, but still.

When Derek awoke the next morning, all was still. He turned around so he could see the bed where Addison had been sleeping but the bed was empty. She was no longer on her side.

Derek felt stone cold fear. How had she gotten past him? He jumped off of the couch and ran through the house calling, "Addison! Addison!"

He had searched throughout the entire house but she was nowhere to be found. Just as he was about to call the police he went out onto the porch first, just to make sure. And there she was. She was sitting on the porch swing in nothing but her thin nightgown, just staring out into the stormy ocean.

"Addie, what are you doing out here? You'll catch your death of cold."

Addison turned to him with dull, haunted eyes. "As doctors, you and I both know that's not true."

"You should still come inside."

"Yes." She still made no move to obey him.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked again. "It's too cold for you to be out here in nothing but your nightgown."

She shrugged. "What does it matter?"

"It does matter. Addie, you're scaring me."

"Sorry."

"Look, come inside with me, O.K. We can have breakfast and talk."

"Talk."

She said it like she had no idea what he meant by that. But then she said "O.K." Then she let him lead her back inside.

"We should eat something. Want to help me make breakfast? Cooking wasn't really Addison's forte but she could do some things. Plus, her dull and lifeless expression and demeanor was really creeping him out. Perhaps getting her involved in doing something would help. He could only hope.

"O.K."

There wasn't much in the house because it was the off season and they really only came here for weekends that they had off. But that was why they had brought supplies.

Half an hour later they were having omelets, bacon and coffee. "When I woke up and you were gone, my first thought was that…"

"That I had killed myself."

'You did try it before."

"I know but you didn't seem to want me to."

"Of course I don't want you to. Why would you ever think I would?"

She hugged herself as tears came to her eyes. "Because you're never around anymore. You've been missing for a long time now. It's like you don't even love me anymore. Mark was…. Mark was…."

"Mark was what Addie?"

"The next best thing to you. I mean, you've been substituting him for you for so long; I guess I just thought to take it to the next level. Except that didn't work either. I just felt terribly empty."

He didn't know what to say to that.

"How long are we going to be here?" Addison asked.

"As long as it takes."

"As long as what takes?" 

Derek sighed. "I'm not really sure. But we do have to find a resolution."

"What kind of a resolution?" Addison looked scared. "You mean like a divorce?"

He looked shocked. Clearly, that hadn't even occurred to him. "No, not divorce. At least, not right now. But something. We'll work on it. Together."

He looked at her. She looked at him. Then she spoke. "So, then there's hope."

He sighed. "I guess so. I don't know, really."

"I still love you, Derek. Mark was a mistake."

"A pretty bad mistake, if you ask me."

She looked down at her plate. "I know."

For some reason, he felt guilty. It made no sense to him. She was the one who had cheated on him but it was what he was feeling. Maybe it was because of her suicide attempt or something like that.

There was a lot for both of them to deal with? Could they work it out? He honestly wasn't sure. But they did have to try. Eleven years of marriage meant something. That didn't just go away in a puff of smoke. Or a roll in the hay. Or even a roll in the martial bed. Did it?

Derek had to stop thinking about that. All it did was make him angry and hurt and that wasn't a good thing to be right now when he needed to be clear headed to think about things. One of them needed to be clear-headed about things and since it was crystal clear Addison wasn't at the moment, he needed to be.

"Come on. Let's clean up. Then we'll get dressed."

She nodded.

It didn't take very long to clean up and get dressed and then they were faced with what to do for the rest of the day. It was too stormy to go outdoors.

"Want to watch T.V or something?" Derek felt incredibly awkward.

"Sure. I guess."

He fiddled with the remote until he found a channel that was playing a Star Wars marathon. That was a good choice.

In this way they passed some time. Derek doubted that she was paying any more attention to what was on then he was but it was something to keep her occupied. He didn't feel up to any more interaction than what was necessary to keep her alive.

If his state of mind even matched anything something like hers than she was more preoccupied with her own thoughts. His thoughts were hardly pleasant.

If he was honest with himself, and he was trying to be, he was worried that he was making a mistake. Not in saving her life. No matter what she'd done it wasn't worth dying over. But in staying.

Derek wasn't sure the marriage could be saved. He wasn't sure he wanted it to be. But again, maybe it was too early to make any final decisions on anything as serious as ending his marriage. Right now, maybe it was just enough that they were both here and together. Anything else would have to come later and hopefully would take care of itself. Or not, as the case might be.

In any case, he was committed to staying for now. He must be because he could have just packed up everything and left. But he hadn't. That must mean something, right? It was just that at this point he wasn't at all sure what it actually meant.


	4. Chapter 4

I combined what was originally the fourth and fifth chapters because I thought they went well together and doing that was easier than trying to make both of them longer. Besides, I think this story is going to be longer than my first multi chapter one, anyway, so it's not like I'm losing much in the way of making this story longer. Who knows? Maybe things you guys say in the reviews will spur on more chapters. That's what happened with my first story.

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Chapter 4

They stopped watching the marathon for a bit to make and have lunch. While they were doing that the storm cleared up.

"Come on. Let's clean up and then go outside. The storm seems to have cleared up for the moment."

"All right."

She followed his lead and helped in the cleanup and then they went outside.

"Want to walk on the beach?"

Derek knew how much the beach meant to her and so he was hoping that would stimulate an enthusiastic response from her. In that he was to be disappointed. "Sure. All right." It wasn't the happy response he was hoping for. It was just neutral.

Nevertheless, he led her down to the beach and they walked along it.

She followed him in silence. It was just as unnerving as anything else about this new Addison.

"It's nice out here now that the storm is over, right" Derek was hoping that this time he would get the kind of response he was looking for. In that, he was to be disappointed again. But he kept trying.

"Sure. It was said mechanically.

Everything seemed to be mechanical now. It certainly wasn't the happy response he had hoped for. But that seemed to be the way things were for them. For now, anyway.

He led her down closer to the water's edge and they walked along it. For a while they walked in silence. Then Derek spoke.

"How are you doing now?"

"I'm fine. You?"

"I'm not fine and I don't think you are either. "

"No, but you don't have to worry about me. You shouldn't. I don't deserve it."

"That's a matter of opinion. I have to say, I am worried about you. I mean, Addie, you tried to commit suicide. That's pretty damned worrying."

"That was just because I thought our marriage was over so I thought my life was over. But when you stayed and we came here...now I have hope."

'But Addie, even if our marriage was over that wouldn't mean your life is over at all."

'What are you saying Derek? Are you saying our marriage is over?" There was panic in her voice.

'No! I'm not saying that at all." There was frustration in his voice. She wasn't getting his point at all. Maybe he shouldn't push things.

But considering the predicament they were both in now was maybe brought on by silence, it wouldn't probably be a good idea to keep on being silent. "Look, let's sit down." They moved farther away from the water and did.

Derek then went on. "So let me say what I have to say all right, and then, when I'm done, I'll let you speak. Agreed?" She nodded. "Good." He continued on.

"Addie, you're a brilliant doctor who has a lot going for her, separate and apart from your marriage to me. Even if our marriage was over—and I'm not saying it is—that would still be true. "

He had to hasten to add that bit, as he could see she was getting more upset by the minute. "I just don't want you to even consider suicide any more. Whatever you've done, suicide isn't the answer. Will you promise me that you won't kill yourself?"

"I guess so."

"Addie!"

"Fine. I promise. "

"Good. Now you can speak."

"I don't know what to say, Derek. I just can't seem to find the words and nothing really justifies what I did, anyway."

He sighed. "O.K. For now. I do want to hear from you soon, though. Come on. Let's get back to the house."

Once they got back to the house, things didn't really get any better. "This isn't really working. We'll go back to the city tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, Derek."

"Yeah, so am I."

"What will we do when we get back? Go back to work?"

"No, we have some time off. I guess we'll just talk and try to work through things."

"Do you really think we can?"

"I don't know. I hope so."

"Let's not go back," she said, suddenly.

Now it was Derek's turn to be surprised. "All right?"

"It's just that we have supplies and I'm not ready to go back to the brownstone yet."

In all honesty, Derek wasn't either. "Fine. We stay. But you've got to talk to me, Addie."

"I-I j-just don't know what to say, Derek."

He could only imagine. What she'd done was pretty damned indefensible, in his opinion. And he didn't want to hear excuses. There was no excuse for what she'd done. But he did find himself interested to know why she'd done it. But he also wasn't inclined to help her along, either. Let her figure out what to say on her own.

"Just say, whatever, Addie."

"Whatever comes to my mind, you mean?'

"Yes.'

"All right.

"First off, I do understand that what I did was wrong. That's why I'm really sorry I did it." There was silence after that,

Derek finally broke it. "So, you knew it was wrong and yet, you did it anyway. That's what I don't understand. Help me to understand, Addie."

"Anything I say is going to sound like an excuse. Can't we just accept that I was wrong and leave it at that?"

"No, we can't." It was tempting, though, because nothing could really justify what she did. In that sense he agreed with her assessment of things. Plus, he really wasn't sure if he even wanted to hear her reasons for doing what she did.

But something told him it was very important to hear her reasons for doing what she did. If she was concerned that they would sound like excuses and was aware that nothing justified cheating, wouldn't that make it more likely that her reasons, if not exactly valid, were something more than excuses? Derek wasn't sure. But he knew he had to find out. No matter how much he might not want to.

"You need to tell me, Addie. I won't say anything until you're done but you have to tell me."

"I'm not even sure where to start."

"The beginning."

"That's just it. I'm not sure when that is."

"Just try."

"All right."

"I was lonely. I've been lonely for a while. I don't know. It's like you checked out of the marriage. Mark was always around. He was a substitute for you in more ways than one."

"So, this wasn't the first time?"

"No! It was! But I don't know anymore. I felt invisible and inaudible. So, I just did it."

"That's a hell of a thing to do."

"I-I know. I know nothing justifies it."

"But you still did it."

"Yes." And now neither of them knew where they went from here.


	5. Chapter 5

Question for you guys at the end.

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Chapter 5

The rest of the week passed uneventfully. Neither of them had much to say to the other. Addison didn't want to push Derek more than she already had. Derek, for his part, didn't want to say or do anything that would drive her over the edge. Her suicide attempt proved that she was already close enough. Her succeeding at it wouldn't be good at all. It would just make things worse. Because however horrible what she'd done was {and it was pretty horrible} she didn't deserve to die for it.

But all too soon, the time in the beach house approached its end.

"We're going back to the city tomorrow?"

Derek sighed. "Yes. I think it's about time."

"And we'll both go back to work?"

"I guess so. I want to. I feel ready, like I need to. How do you feel?"

'You want me to be honest?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm not sure. I don't know if I'm ready."

"Then don't go back."

Addison shook her head. "No. I think going back is a better option than not going back."

'Especially if you're going back' she thought but didn't say.

He seemed to hear it, anyway. "I'll postpone going back."

Addison had a shocked look on her face. "A-are you sure?"

"I don't think I'm sure of anything anymore but, I do mean it."

"I-I'm glad. I'm so glad you're trying."

"Yes, well, we'll see what comes of it."

Which is what they did.

The drive back was at least, much better than the drive there had been. On the way there, Addison had been pale and slumped over in the seat, not saying anything. On the way back, she sat up straight and talked.

"Traffic in New York's a bitch."

Derek agreed. "Some things never change."

"I guess that could be a good thing. Depending on what doesn't change."

"That's a very good point."

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"Derek, I'm so so sorry," was the first thing she said when they entered their home.

"I know. So, you've said."

'Derek…."

"No, look, I'm still here. That must mean something—even though I'm not sure what, because, like I said, I'm not sure of anything anymore."

"All right. So now we're home but not to go back to work yet."

Which was again, what they did.

When bedtime came, they were faced with the same problem.

"So, who sleeps where?" Addison was hesitant.

Derek sighed. "You sleep here. I'll take the guest bedroom." He looked at her, anxiously. "Promise me you won't do anything like….you know…."

She did. "Derek, I know you probably feel like you can't trust me to keep any promise I make and I get that. I do. But I'll keep this one. I didn't really want to die. I was just…."

"Yeah. I know."

"So, good night then."

"Good night."

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The next morning they were shocked by banging and shouting at the door. "Who the hell is that?" Derek had been on his way to check on Addison and was in the doorway of their bedroom.

Addison shook her head. "I don't know."

"Guess I'll go find out. "

Addison trailed along as he went downstairs and answered their front door. What happened next seemed to happen in slow motion but at the same time so fast that there wasn't time to intervene. Because it was Mark at the door and Derek had punched him square in the face. "You bastard! You were more than my best friend! I called you my brother! How could you do that to me?"

"Derek! Derek! Stop! You don't want a brawl on our front stoop this early in the morning"

"But later in the day is fine, right, Addison?" Mark was cradling his injured face.

"Just get the hell out of here and stay out of our lives!" Derek yelled at him.

"I just wanted to make sure Addison was all right. I've been stopping by every morning for the past week."

"You've got a hell of a lot of nerve, Sloan! "

"Hate me all you want."

'Oh, I do. You just bet I do."

'Fine. I'll go. But not before I find out what I came here to find out." Mark turned to Addison. "Are you all right?"

'Yes, yes. I'm fine. Please, would you just go?"

"You heard the woman. Get the hell out of here."

"Fine. I'll go. But mark my words, you haven't seen the last of me." He turned and went down the brownstone steps and then strode away down the street.

"The nerve of that guy!" Derek was fuming.

"I'm so so sorry."

"Yeah, well, it's not like you called him or anything like that."

"No, I know but still it was shocking him showing up here like that. And doing it every morning for the past week."

"Well, Mark Sloan is nothing if not nervy. If he was showing up here every morning for the past week, then I don't know how we missed him that first morning."

"Luck?" Addison timidly suggested.

They both had to share a laugh at that one. It felt really good to do that. It felt really good to them both.

"Come on. Let's go eat."

Addison followed him to the kitchen where they made breakfast together and then ate.

"So, now what do we do?"

Derek sighed. " I don't know. Maybe take a walk in Central Park. You always liked it. That's why we live across the street from it."

"That would be good. We could go to Belvedere Castle or something like that."

"Sounds good to me. It's a big park. No shortage of stuff to do. "

"And then maybe lunch at Tavern on the Green."

Derek had to laugh. He couldn't help himself. "Oh, of course we must go there. It's so highbrow for you. It's the only place that's highbrow enough for you."

"Well, I beg your pardon. It's not the only place."

"True. Yes. I forgot myself. But yes, we can go there."

So, that's what they did. They climbed up the stairs to the very top of Belvedere Castle and looked out over the park.

"The view from here is incredible, isn't it, Addie?" He wasn't expecting any more of a response than he'd gotten on the beach but this time he was surprised.

"Oh, yes. It's a great spot." She pointed to a flock of birds flying overhead. "Do you ever wish that you could just fly away from everything and anything? Birds have such freedom in that respect." Her voice sounded wistful.

"Yeah, I have thought that. I don't know anyone who hasn't. Except it isn't without risks, is it? Predators, hunters and all that.

"Spoilsport." She stuck her tongue out at him.

He threw up his hands in surrender. "Hey, I'm just being honest."

"Well, stop."

He laughed. "Fine. Let's go eat. I'm getting hungry."

So they went there where they got in without a reservation, as always because Addison had delivered babies of the family that owned it so they were always welcome and space would always be found for them. It also didn't hurt that Addison never demanded the best table or anything like that. Because Addison was many things, but a snob who thought her money made her better than everyone else wasn't one of them.

After eating, they schlepped home.

"I enjoyed the day. Thank you, Derek."

"I enjoyed it too, Addie."

And Addison was maybe starting to dare to believe that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. That however long the tunnel was (and it was long) that she and Derek could and would get through it. Together.

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How many of you when you read about the banging and shouting at the door guessed that it was Mark? I thought it was fairly obvious myself but I'm interested in your thoughts. That's why I'm asking.


	6. Chapter 6

The last chapter was the last of the prewritten stuff, which was why there was no update last week. I will try to keep up with weekly updates but I'm not promising anything but that I'll finish this. For those of you interested in Addison's state of mind, we get that here. I hope you enjoy. For the next chapter, I want to do Mark's state of mind, in which interest was expressed. Kind of cool how you all are also thinking along the same lines as me. We're a hive mind! lol

Chapter 6

But that night in the darkness of their bedroom, in their bed without her husband, Addison had to admit to herself that she was still very scared. She did still have hope; she wasn't lying about that. But she wasn't stupid. This was not going to be a quick or easy process for either of them.

She honestly didn't know why she had slept with Mark, not really. It wasn't that what she had told Derek was untrue. It was just that that didn't really seem to justify it. Because she could have said something long before that horrible night. She didn't know. She wasn't Kathleen. This wasn't her specialty.

At least Derek was still here and willing to try. But that didn't mean he would stay. He could still leave. She desperately wanted to believe he wouldn't but nothing felt sure.

When she thought back on what she'd done it was still hard to believe that she'd actually done that. It had certainly not been in her plan. All that was supposed to happen was a simple meal with Mark. He'd brought the Chinese takeout and they'd had a good meal and enjoyed small talk.

It was only after they'd finished the meal that things changed.

" _That was a lovely dinner, Mark, thank you."_

" _Not a problem, Addison."_

" _I don't want to keep you, though, if you've got other things to do."_

" _Nothing more important than you."_

 _She blushed. "Mark—"_

" _No, Addie. Let me say this. I didn't set out to feel this way about you, to fall in love with you but it happened. How could I not? You're a wonderful person."_

" _I'm also a married person. Married to your best friend. The man you consider a brother."_

" _And where is he tonight? Where has he been for the past couple of years?_

" _Mark."_

" _I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, Addie. I'm saying it because it's the truth._

" _So."_

' _So come and be with me. Just for tonight. I want more but I'll settle for just for tonight. For now."_

And that was how it had happened.

Addison didn't consider herself a stupid person because she wasn't. But looking back on it, it certainly looked to be the stupidest thing she'd ever done. No, scratch that. It didn't seem to be the stupidest thing—it was.

Mark Sloan was a player. He had been as long as she'd known him, and according to Derek, he'd been one a lot longer than that. Because while Derek had been the geeky kid, Mark was the boy that all the girls wanted. According to Derek, Mark was the one who'd taught him everything he knew about girls, although Addison had her doubts about that.

There were vivid memories of her and Derek double dating with many of Mark's flavors of the month. Because, even though he was a player, he did treat the women well, before he moved on. But his reputation hadn't hurt him at all. There were always women willing to give Mark what he wanted in exchange for a run of being treated well for as long as it lasted.

It had never seemed to Addison to be a very satisfying thing but she did realize everyone was different and though she might not be into commitment free sex, she certainly didn't judge those who were.

Except what then, did that make the sex she had had with Mark? Because she certainly hadn't intended it to lead anywhere. She was still very much in love with Derek.

Mark had seemed to want it to lead somewhere. But did he really? It was quite hard to believe that commitment phobic Mark Sloan was interested in just that, even with her. Because he knew she was taken. She had never given him any indication in all the years she had known him that she was interested in anything with him.

Unless maybe she had without realizing it. Could she have? She honestly didn't think she had.

So, where exactly had this come from? They had never been anything other than friends. Yes, she liked him. It was hard not to. Mark was charming and fun and even his man whorish ways were amusing, since he'd never deliberately set out to hurt anyone.

Had he? Probably. It was kind of inevitable with the kind of life Mark led. For all anyone knew there were unknown numbers of Sloans running around.

This was it. She couldn't just lay here thinking all this. She had to get up. Maybe a glass of wine or something would help her sleep. So, she got up and went downstairs and poured herself a glass.

In the meantime, in another bedroom, Derek woke up and went to check on her. Finding her gone he searched the house until he found her.

"Addie, are you all right?"

'I'm sorry, Derek, I couldn't sleep."

'I got worried."

'I didn't think you were awake."

'I guess I don't sleep like I used to."

"Neither do I"

"So, what's keeping you up?"

"I'm trying to figure out where Mark got the idea that I'd leave you for him. I never gave him any indication that I would, I'm sure of it."

Derek slumped down, then straightened up. "Was that what he wanted? For you to leave me for him?'

Addison nodded. "He thinks he's in love with me."

Derek clenched his fists and tried not to leap up from the chair and race over to Mark's apartment to kill him. "He's in love with my wife."

"According to him. I have my doubts. He's Mark. He doesn't do commitment."

"That's for sure."

For a bit they just sat there. Then Derek spoke again.

"Do you think you can go to sleep now?"

'I-I'm not sure."

He sighed. "I understand but maybe just try to put it out of your mind for tonight. You do need to sleep. We both do."

Now it was Addison's turn to sigh. "I do know that. It's just hard."

"I get that. It's hard for me too."

"I know and I'm sorry.'

"Well, look, we do have to resume life at some point. I'm not trying to rush you into anything but to go back to work and be at the top of your game, you'll have to resume sleeping. Good sleeping, I mean.

"I know." She peered at him. "You miss work, don't you?"

"I do. Don't you?"

"I do. I'm just scared about going back. What if people find out?"

"How would they find out? Mark doesn't even work for the hospital. He's in private practice."

"I know but he does have privileges. He gets them everywhere because he's so good at what he does."

"I hardly think he's going to brag about this. But if he does, we'll deal with it, I guess. We've been doing all right at that so far, haven't we?"

"I guess." She really didn't know and she suspected that he didn't either but it was very nice to have his support.

She got up from the kitchen table. "You know what. You're right. We should get some sleep. Not only for when we do go back to work but so we have the energy to work on us. I'm not stupid, Derek. I know it won't be easy but I am so grateful you are willing to try."

"All right then. Let's go back upstairs and get some sleep." Which is what they did.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry this took more time than usual. I remain committed to this story but real life is getting in the way. But I will always make time for fanfiction because I love it.

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Chapter 7

Mark Sloan didn't consider himself a bad person. No, he didn't consider himself to be one at all. He also wasn't stupid.

He was well aware of the fact that most people would consider sleeping with the wife of your best friend, a man you'd considered a brother for practically your whole life to be a very bad thing. And he would have agreed with them too. Once upon a time.

But that was before Addison. Before her, commitment had never even been part of the equation, ever.

He hadn't planned on falling in love with her. He hadn't planned on falling in love with anyone. It had just happened.

Honestly, when Derek and Addison had first gotten together it had bummed Mark out. He had understood that Derek eventually wanted to settle down and have a family with someone but Mark thought that would happen once they were doctors. Not in med school.

Mark's plan had been to do what he had always done and take Derek along for the ride. Derek had always been the geeky kid and Mark enjoyed schooling him in womanizing ways. Not that Derek had ever tried to emulate Mark much. It just wasn't his personality but they could and did have fun with females.

Addison changed everything. But Mark had eventually gotten to like her. It was hard not to. She was smart and cool and nice.

So when things had eventually went where Mark had figured they would go he was more than happy to be Derek's best man. That was what brothers were for, right? And he had done a stellar job if he did say so himself.

And things had gone on as they always had. It was only in the past couple of years that things had changed. Derek had become more career oriented and often recruited Mark as a substitute for himself with regard to Addison. Obviously, that didn't imply permission to sleep with his wife but Mark hadn't intended that.

Because he had fallen in love with Addison. This in spite of never intending to fall in love with anyone. It had actually surprised him.

Her too, judging from her reaction to his declaration of love. She didn't sound as if she believed him. That did hurt, he could admit to himself.

But if he were honest with himself and he was trying to be, he couldn't actually blame her for not believing him. She'd known him for years and she saw how he was with the female of the species. Commitment free sex was all he had ever wanted. So different from Derek who had always wanted commitment.

So why would she believe that she was so special enough to change him? In her place, he doubted he would believe him either.

But he did love her; he was sure of it. The only problem was the woman he loved was in love with someone else. Not just any someone else either but her husband. It was a right mess any way you looked at it.

Right now he was laying on his California king and looking around at his luxury bedroom which was in his luxury apartment. It was all paid for courtesy of the rich, society patients who felt it was money well spent to keep on looking good.

Some doctors had contempt for that sort of thing. Not Mark. Looking good was important. If you looked good, you felt good and that was good for anyone. It was good health wise, certainly and as a doctor, he could get behind anything that was good for health. And he wasn't about to bite the hands that fed him.

But it wasn't until recently that it had really struck him that his existence was basically pretty shallow. Now there was nothing wrong with enjoying life and having fun. That was a very important part of life. But lately he had begun to think that it wasn't all there was to life.

He knew Derek and probably everyone else who knew him would have been shocked by these thoughts. He himself was shocked at the direction things had taken. As has been pointed out before, falling in love with his brother's wife was never part of any plan of his at all.

But now it had happened and he was stuck with it. Not a particularly good place to be, especially since Addison and Derek were still together. That had been surprising.

For about a week he had gone over every morning to see if she was all right. And she had been gone. Now she was home and so was her husband. What was up with that?

Mark figured Derek would not give Addison a second chance and the field would be clear for him. That did sound terrible, didn't it? And yet, he couldn't help it. Even if Addison didn't believe his feelings for her were genuine, Mark knew they were. That had to be enough.

But it wasn't. It was a mess. Mark knew that that was because he hadn't really thought about what would come next, even if Addie had bought his declaration of love and left her husband. Because Addison was like Derek; they both needed commitment in their lives. Mark didn't. In fact, college and medical school were the only things he had ever committed to.

Addison and he had both come from similar emotionally neglectful backgrounds but it had obviously affected them differently. She loved and was drawn to love, while he avoided it at all cost. Well, at least, he had. Until now.

And it looked as if his instincts had been right all along because what had falling in love gotten him? Nothing but trouble, obviously.

If Addison and Derek were staying together and that looked likely than Mark was on his own again. No surprise there. He had been on his own for a long time.

Or maybe not. He had, in fact, been a de facto member of the Shepherd clan since the age of five. But he wasn't kidding himself. Those days were most likely over. Once they found out what had happened between him and Addison Mark knew he'd be out.

Or would they find out? It wasn't likely either Addison or Derek would say anything to them. Mark sure as hell wasn't going to. So would they have to find out?

But right now that was the least of his problems. The main one was that he was just so damned lonely. At least that wouldn't have to continue.

He dialed a number. "Hello, Charlene."


	8. Chapter 8

Back to our couple now.

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Chapter 8

"I'm ready to go back to work."

Derek just stared at her. "Are you sure, Addie?"

She nodded. 'It's been great, having this extra time with you and I think we needed it but we can't live like this forever. We both need to work."

"Well, yes, that's true, Addie. Still though…."

"I'm not saying that everything's fixed. I know it's not. We're still not sleeping together." He was about to say something when she continued. "It's not that I don't understand why; I do. I'm just using it as an example. The damage wasn't done overnight and it won't take only overnight to fix it."

Well, the big damage was done overnight. I'm sure you know what I mean."

Addison winced. "Yes. I am well aware of that. Are you even sure that you still want to be with me? From what you just said it doesn't sound as if you are."

"I'm sorry. That was a low blow."

"Yes it was."

"I guess I'm still angry."

"And you have a right to be, Derek. What I did was very wrong and I'm more sorry than you can ever know but the only way we can ever hope to get past it is to actually move forward. We can't if you keep bringing it up all the time."

"I know. It's not easy."

"I do know that. Maybe that's why I need to go back to work now. I need the normalcy."

"God knows I can use it too. I'm just wondering if that's something we will ever get back."

"I don't know, Derek. I hope so."

"Me too." And he was surprised to find that he meant it.

And so they went back to work. It was actually good for them. Until the day there was an unfortunate encounter.

They were in the cafeteria having coffee together when Addison spotted Mark coming towards them. "Oh, no."

"What?" Derek turned but by that time Mark was upon them. "What do you want, Sloan?"

"I'm honestly not sure."

'Well, whatever it is, you won't get it from either one of us."

Mark turned to Addison. "Addie, please."

"Please what, Mark."

"Give me another chance."

"I'm not leaving my husband for you, Mark."

"You heard her, Sloan. Now go."

Now Mark turned to Derek. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not. If you were, you wouldn't have done it in the first place."

There was nothing Mark could say to that. "Fine. I'll go." He left.

Derek was still fuming. "Will that guy never give up?"

"I guess not."

"Well, he'd better because there is no way in hell I'm ever letting him back into my life."

"I know. And I'm sorry about that."

Now Derek turned to stare at her. "What in the world are you talking about?"

Addison cast her eyes downward. "I know you two met in kindergarten and from that moment you were so close because he became the brother you never had but always wanted. I ruined that for you and I'm sorry."

Derek just continued staring. This was unbelievable. "Um, Addison, did you hold a gun to his head to force him to sleep with you?"

Addison frowned. "Of course not, Derek. What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that Sloan is a grown man who made his own choice. You are only responsible for what you did. Just like he is only responsible for what he did; you're not some Siren temptress who lured him onto your island to have your way with and then kill."

Addison had to smile at the Odyssey reference. "All right, you've got a point there. Plus, he's not even Odysseus. " They both laughed.

"Thank you."

"But it's still so sad. I know what you've lost and while you do have a very good point about Mark being an adult, I still feel sad about what you lost, what I cost you."

"No, it's what Mark cost us. He's the one who spit on our friendship, our brotherhood. I would never have done that to him if the situation were reversed."

"I know that."

"Then you can stop blaming yourself for what Mark did. What he did is on him, just as what you did is on you. You are responsible for your part in it but not Mark's. He and he alone is responsible for what he did. That's what being an adult is all about."

Addison sighed. "I know that."

"So, then what else is bothering you?"

"Everything. I know we're trying to move forward and to do that I have to let go of the guilt but it's not easy. I still feel it every day."

"And maybe that's a good thing."

Now it was Addison's turn to stare. "But Derek, I thought you said to move forward I had to lose the guilt."

"You do and I hope you will. But maybe you need to do it at your own pace, not mine."

Addison gave that some thought. "I guess that makes a lot of sense. We have to each do things at our own pace and not the other's.

Derek nodded. "Like I know you wish I would sleep with you again but I'm not ready and I really appreciate that you are respecting that. I'm sure it can't be easy for you."

"It's not. But I'm trying."

"Thank you. I am too."

"I guess we should get back."

'Yes."

"So, I'll see you later."

"Yes. Bye."

Addison gave what Derek said some more thought for the rest of the day, in between patients. He was right.

'All right. So, as much as I wish things were settled, I know that's not going to be easy. Our marriage didn't get this way overnight and it won't be fixed overnight. I'm willing to put in the work and it looks like so is he. I'm glad about that. He didn't have to. He wants to and that means something to me. It means a lot.'

She told him that when they were on their way home. "So, I thought about what you said and you were right."

He smiled. "Aren't I always?"

"Well, no. You were wrong about that one time at Fire Island."

"The less said about that the better, Addie."

She snickered. 'Anyway, that's what I wanted to say."

"O.K. So."

"So, we go on and continue doing what we've been doing, which is trying to move forward. I even think we've been doing pretty all right at that." She glanced at him shyly.

"I agree."

She beamed. Maybe, just maybe, things would wind up all right after all.


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry for the delay. Real life stranded me in a place with no Internet for three days and then I had trouble getting my groove back. But I think I have it back now and remain committed to this story. So, I hope you will like it and let me know any thoughts you have. Thank you.

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Chapter 9

And so they went back to work. It was actually good for them because both of them were enough alike to need to work. Their careers were both very important to them. There was nothing innately wrong with that.

The problem was when career became the only thing. In truth though, that was more Derek's thing than Addison's. She had never lost sight of the importance of having other things to balance things out. He had.

Not that that was a justification for what she had done. In all honesty, the more healthy way to handle things would have been to actually say something to Derek. Or at least try to.

That wouldn't have been a guarantee that he would have listened and responded but it would have maybe been something. But Addison's dysfunctional background had never prepared her for coping with things in a healthy way. In many ways, she had overcome her background with remarkable adaptability. But as what had happened with Mark showed, she had still been damaged by it.

But she was doing her best. Unfortunately, it seemed the universe wasn't quite done with her yet.

"Are you all right?"

Addison looked up from the toilet where she was puking her guts out. "I'm good."

"Somehow it's really hard to believe you when you're currently praying to the porcelain gods."

She sighed. "I know but trust me. I'll be fine."

"Do you have the flu or something? Maybe you should stay home from work."

Addison shook her head. "No. Not when I've just gotten back after taking time off. "

"All right. It's up to you. But if you are sick you don't want to infect patients."

"I'm not sick. It was probably something I ate. You know we went to the buffet place last night."

Derek chuckled. "Yes, it was quite amusing to see you put all that food away. You normally average about two trips but last night you went up five times. You even beat me and that's no mean feat."

"Trust me. I wasn't trying to. I was just hungry. I don't know why. I'm not anorexic or anything like that but I'm not normally a pig either."

"Well, a healthy appetite is hardly pig like. And you'd be beautiful even if you started eating like that all the time and ballooned to 300 pounds."

"All right, honey, I know you're trying to be sweet and I do appreciate the compliment but can we not talk about me getting fat. No woman likes to even acknowledge the possibility."

Derek laughed again. "All right. So, you're going in"

"I'm going in."

Which was fine. She made it through work. But the next morning it was a repeat of that morning.

"This time you can't blame it on overeating. Or any restaurant food. We ate at home last night'

"I know. I don't understand. I've never been sick two days in a row."

"You barely even get sick."

"This is true."

He felt her forehead. "You don't feel warm."

"That's because I'm not. "

"Well something is the matter. It's not normal to get sick in the mornings…."

The realization hit them both at the same time.

"No, I couldn't be."

"Well, when was the last time you got your period?"

"I don't know. Awhile I guess. But stress can cause things to go out of whack and we both know there has been much stress in our life lately."

"That's very true. But the fact is that there is the possibility that you are. We should find out for sure. I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"To pick up a home pregnancy test. I'll be right back." And he was gone.

'This can't be happening. This is the last thing we need. It can't be true. But what if it is? What are we going to do?

It wasn't as if the subject of children hadn't come up in their eleven year marriage. Both of them did want kids. But they agreed that the timing had to be right.

Right now the timing was clearly not right. In fact it couldn't be more wrong. They weren't even together. Well, they were but they weren't. It was true that they were working on it. Working on it was taking up all of their energy. There wasn't anything left over for a baby.

A baby. Babies were totally dependent. They needed you, all of you. And right now, Addison wasn't sure that she had anything left to give a baby. Derek was taking it all. Which was right and her choice. But it was something that had to be considered. Because she had no idea how she felt about this, let alone how Derek felt.

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Derek patrolled the drugstore aisles until he got to the one he wanted and then he quickly plucked up the first one that he saw.

It seemed to him that he was doing everything by rote. If there were feelings involved he couldn't begin to say what they were.

All he knew was that another shockwave had happened and he was no more prepared for it than he had been before opening up the door to his bedroom and seeing what he saw.

He was seeing it again now. He didn't want to and he had honestly tried to forget. Dwelling on it would do him no good and he knew it wasn't going to help the work on the marriage. Of course, it never really went away and now it seemed it never would.

But he was at the cashier now and paying. Then he drove home where Addison was waiting.

"I've got it." He tossed it at her.

She just sat and stared at it in her lap.

"Aren't you going to take it?" Her just sitting there was really getting on his nerves, for some reason.

"I-I will. I guess."

"What do you mean you guess? You have to take it. We need to know."

"Do we? I don't think I want to. I'm scared to know."

"Well, I wasn't exactly thrilled to go and buy the test. I did it, though. You can do this. You know we have to know and deal with it, whatever the result turns out to be."

"All right. You're right. I know." With trembling hands, she picked up the test and got herself to the bathroom.

The next few minutes as they were waiting for the results seemed to go on for an eternity. Finally Addison came out of the bathroom. "Well?"

"Yes, it was positive. I'm definitely pregnant."

Shit! What in the hell were they going to do now?

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Yep, I went there. It was my plan from the start because I wanted to explore them dealing with this. Yes, I am aware that Addison got pregnant in the months she lived with Mark but since that didn't happen in this universe well… I am afraid some of you will hate this twist but I've got to stay true to the story I want to write. If you do bail on me, no hard feelings and thank you for reading as far as you did.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

For the longest time they just stayed where they were and stared at each other. Neither of them spoke. But finally Derek did say something. "So, how far along are you, do you think?"

She didn't say anything for the longest time. . Then she did. "Well, symptoms don't start till at least two to six weeks in so…"

"So, you can't be sure."

"Not without an ultrasound no. But…"

"I know. It's his. It had been awhile for us so that night was the only sex you'd had in the timeframe. Talk about irony and shit."

"I'll abort, Derek."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yes. I mean, nothing is more important to me than our marriage. I don't want this to jeopardize it any more than it already was."

"I don't know what to say to that." It was true. While he was just as pro-choice as Addison and of course, knew she performed abortions that was one thing. To actually have someone in his life actually have one was a whole different thing.

Truthfully, it was very scary that she had piped up and offered to abort right away. To be loved was one thing, to have someone so dependent on him that they would terminate a pregnancy, to end a potential life for him made him feel….Well, he wasn't sure how it made him feel, to be honest.

"Derek, say something"

"I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. Although, I guess I'm not the one to do anything about this, really, I guess."

"Can you really see yourself raising Mark's child as your own?"

"I don't know."

"And that's why I should probably abort. It wouldn't be fair to this child to be raised with resentment."

He looked away. She really didn't expect much of him, did she? And yet, the question that was still there was valid. Could he really do this? Because it he couldn't then she was right. It really wouldn't be fair to the potential child who was innocent in all this.

"All right, look, we're both in shock. This isn't the time to make major decisions. You should at least have an ultrasound to confirm your guess."

"I can give one to myself."

"True, but you should probably not doctor yourself in this situation. It's probably not a good idea to ever doctor yourself but—"

"You think I should go to Nancy?"

"Well, she is your doctor."

"I know, but…"

"She loves you. All my sisters do. I'm pretty sure they love you more than me." That was a family joke. That Addison had really married Derek in order to get herself four sisters because she had always wanted a sister and four was a good deal more than she was expecting. But all five of the women had always had a good bond.

I don't know."

"Well, you've got to see someone and I'm pretty sure Nancy won't judge you. At least think about it."

"I'll give it a day and sleep on it tonight."

"That's all I can ask."

And so it was that the two of them did find themselves at Nancy's practice after hours. It was quite an awkward conversation but full disclosure was always best.

"So, that's the story. I know you must hate me now."

"I don't."

"What?"

Nancy shrugged. "It's Mark. Sleeping with him seems to be a rite of passage. Not to mention that while this is a pretty bad mistake to make, I've made some colossal ones in my life. Everybody has. I mean, it could have ended the marriage and I will admit to being surprised that Derek is still trying but I'm really proud of him for it. I think our dad would be proud as well."

Derek couldn't deny a feeling of warmth that spread through him at Nancy's words. How often were any of his sisters proud of him? Mostly the Shepherd children tolerated each other and not always even that. But her being sure that their father would be proud of him meant something got him since he always wanted to be a man his father would be proud of.

"Anyway, you want to see how far along you are." Addison nodded. "Then let's find out." Nancy led them to the room with the ultrasound and motioned Addie to get up on the table, which she did. Then Nancy got her ready.

It wasn't that long before they were both able to see the image because both of them were old hands at this. Well, Addison, unlike Nancy didn't have children as of yet, but it was still her field and so she knew what was up.

"I'd say based on the size, you are about six weeks in." Addison let out a strangled cry. Derek looked sick. "So, it is Mark's then." They both nodded. "So, you'll need to decide what you're going to do." Again Addison nodded and this time Derek joined her. "All right. You still have time to decide. I can tell this is a huge shock to you both. You need to go home and take at least a few days to absorb this and then decide. You should know, though, that whatever you decide to do I will support you both one hundred per cent."

"Thank you, Nancy. That really means a lot to us." Addison was deeply touched.

"Not a problem. You're family. I stick by family."

Which was all very well and good but they were still faced with the problem of what to do.

"If I abort then this problem goes away."

And if you don't."

"Then we are faced with raising Mark's child together. He'd be back in our lives for good."

"Not if you don't tell him."

"And if the child comes out looking like a mini Mark? What then?"

"I don't know."

"Neither do I but it does seem to me that secrets and lies just lead to trouble. Like if I had only been able to be honest with you about how lonely and isolated I was feeling I might never have turned to Mark."

That was a good point. Still. "I guess we should sleep on it. Like Nancy said, we have time so we don't have to decide anything tonight."

They might not have to decide anything tonight but the situation they were in was certainly casting a pale shadow over their lives. And it wasn't at all certain that they could or would survive this.

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And now you see why I was nervous that people would bail on me. Apologies to those who wanted it to be Derek's baby. Normally I'm all about Addek babies but hearing about the whole abortion story line made me wonder some things. Never mind how much it pissed me off since I am aware that in the show she aborts and later gets punished for it with infertility. What? That sounds like the prolife bull shit I was brought up with as a Roman Catholic. I though Shonda was supposed to be pro-choice. Abortions don't cause infertility. And when I told my husband about the story line he (also brought up in the same church I was) said it sounded like a God will get you if you do something wrong. Not that abortion is wrong but I think you can get what I'm saying. So, the thing was she aborted because Derek would never accept Mark's baby. And I wondered, really? So I wanted to challenge myself to see if I could make it work. I'm giving it my best shot so I guess we'll see.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

There was a certain numbness that engulfed both of them as they made their way back home. Once there they both went to their respective rooms and just stared off into space, before both falling into an uneasy sleep.

The next day as Derek was leaving, the Chief came up to him. "Shepherd, we've got a complex surgical case coming. Do you want in?"

Derek shook his head. "I can't. I've got to get home to Addison."

"All right. I admit I'm surprised but I can't say I don't approve. See you later."

"I'll see you, Chief"

It had been tempting but he now knew that giving in to temptation too many times was what had drove Addison to Mark. There was no more room to deny his part in it. If there was going to be good and meaningful change it had to come from both of them. Because, if nothing else, her sleeping with Mark was a damned wake up call.

Perhaps turning down an opportunity he once wouldn't have meant progress. But they were still stuck in the situation they were in.

When he got home, he found Addison sitting at the kitchen table. "You all right?"

She shrugged. "I'm fine."

"All right. You hungry?'

"No."

"You should eat. It's a healthy thing to do while pregnant."

"Not if I don't keep it."

He winced. "Addie."

"Are you really telling me that you want to be a father to Mark's child?"

"I-I'

"And that is why I shouldn't go through with this."

"Would you go through with this if it were mine?"

"Of course, Derek. What kind of question is that?"

An important one. How about if the father weren't in the picture at all?"

"I'd still go through with it."

"Then you have your answer. You want this baby, Addie. You've always wanted kids."

"It's not that simple. I wanted your kids. I never wanted Mark's."

"And I didn't want you to have his kid but it looks like that is happening."

"Not if I abort."

"But do you really want to? I know you're prochoice. So am I. I know you do abortions. That's not the same as having one. Being for a woman's right to choose doesn't obligate you to have one if you don't want to."

"I know that."

"Good. Because to be honest, it kind of freaked me out that you offered to abort, for me. I know you love me and I do still love you or I wouldn't be here trying but to hear you offer to abort so casually…'

"It wasn't casually. I'm just trying to do what's best for everyone involved."

"And you're so sure that it's abortion."

"No! But it might be. Because it's not right to be raised the way I was with no love or anything at all. To know you weren't wanted right from the start. That's horrible Derek, and I don't want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone else. Better to never exist at all."

"Oh., Addie. I'm so sorry." He went and sat down next to her. "I knew it was bad, but I guess I never knew quite how bad it was,'

Nobody can who wasn't raised that way."

"All right. So, I guess I can now see where you're coming from."

"I'm glad."

"But to be honest, I don't know if I could live with the guilt if you aborted because of me. Because being prochoice and being the reason for an abortion are two very different things."

"I know that, Derek. But there is so much more involved here. If I go through with this pregnancy then there is a child involved. A child who never did anything to either of us, who didn't ask to be conceived. It isn't the child's fault who his or her father is."

"I know that."

"Right. But could you love a child that isn't yours? Not only isn't yours but the product of an adulterous one night stand between your wife and your brother in all but blood.

Derek winced. Addison was certainly being blunt. Which was probably for the best, but didn't make it any easier to bear. "Legally, it would be mine because I'm your husband."

"Oh, so you'd be fine with your name on the birth certificate."

"I don't know. I'm just trying to feel my way here. I never thought I'd be in this situation."

"Neither did I. Believe me, this was the last thing I wanted."

"I believe you." The funny thing was, he did. Not that that was particularly helpful.

"I'm glad you believe me. We still have the same problem."

"Yes."

"Derek"

"Addison, you can't worry about me or what I'd do. You have to think about you and whether or not you really want this baby regardless of who the father is."

"I don't want to lose you, Derek."

"You won't. I'll stick by you and support you no matter what you decide."

They both did a double take. Had he really just said that?

"You really meant that?"

"I must. I said it, without thinking. That's often how truth comes out."

"That's for sure."

"Now it's time for you to be truthful, Addie."

"What do you mean?" She sounded scared.

"I mean, in your heart of hearts I think you want the baby. We both know you'd make a great mother. You're great with our nieces and nephews."

'That's hardly the same thing."

"Maybe not but it's a good indication. Just let yourself be honest with you and me. There's nothing wrong with wanting your baby."

"Except it should be ours. Yours and mine. Not mine and Mark's."

"I agree. But these are the circumstances."

"They don't have to be."

"True. You could abort. But I'm not sure if the aftermath of that might not be worse for us than going through with the pregnancy."

'That would entail Mark being in our lives again. This time for good. Could you handle that? I'm not sure if I can to be honest with you."

"I guess if you go through with it, the eight months would be time to prepare."

"Prepare to love. You can't do that. You either love or you don't."

She was right. "You're right. All I can say is that I don't think I'm the kind of man who would hold it against an innocent child who his or her father was."

"I don't think you would either."

"Then we've got our answer, don't we?"

It looked like they had.

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	12. Chapter 12

Thank you for sticking with me. Extra special thanks to those who are leaving comments because comments are how I gauge interest in this story. If people are commenting than I know they are still interested. Also, I figure those who didn't like the story have bailed by now and so anyone left likes the story so if you are still with me and leaving comments thank you because I'm not going to lie, I post for comments.

Chapter 12

So it was that they once again found themselves at Nancy's practice after hours. "We've come to a decision." Addison got right to the point.

"And that is." Nancy was waiting.

"I'm going to go through with the pregnancy."

"Yes!" Nancy got up and high fived them both.

Addison and Derek could only stare at her. Finally Derek said something. "I thought you were pro-choice."

Nancy rolled her eyes. "I am. That doesn't mean I want my niece or nephew aborted." Before either of them could say anything she went on. "Yes, it is Mark's kid. Still my niece or nephew because he's just as much my brother as you are, Derek. But also it's also your kid too. Let's face it. I love Mark very dearly but father material he's not."

They all paused to think about the truth of that statement.

"We still have to tell him." Addison sighed.

"You haven't yet?" Nancy questioned.

'You're the first one we told since coming to the decision." Derek clarified.

'I see. Well, once you do then I can have my say."

"You mean one of you famous tongue lashings?" Derek would wish to be a fly on the wall for that.

"Maybe so."

"But you didn't give me a tongue lashing and I'm just as responsible." Addison was puzzled.

"I know that but Mark is a different case. Besides, it doesn't mean I don't still love him. I love the boneheaded man whore just as much as I ever did. But I've got to do this,"

"All right" Addison was doubtful.

"In any case, the decision has been made. Now what must be done is scheduling your prenatal care. So let's go do that right now."

They followed her out. "So, it looks like I've got openings this Thursday. What's good for you?" It wound up being that Thursday at three o'clock was settled on. After that, they left.

"Well that went well. Better than I expected," Addison remarked.

Derek shrugged. "It went as I expected it to. My sisters love you, Addie. I think they love you more than me. They'd forgive you anything."

"And you?" She glanced at him, shyly.

He sighed. "I'm not sure yet. Maybe but I think I need more time."

Addison nodded. "I get it. Take all the time you need."

"I will."


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry for the long delay. I'm still committed to this story but I'm not going to lie; I also am committed to enjoying summer while it lasts. It is not long enough as it is.

Chapter 13

Mark was in his office wrapping some things up after seeing his last patient of the day when his secretary buzzed him. "Yes, Agnes."

"Dr. Sloan, there is a Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd on the line for you."

Mark did a double take. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. Do you not want to take it?" She sounded irritated, with good reason.

"No, no. I will take it. Thank you. You may go home if you wish."

"Thank you. I will."

And then Mark picked up the phone. "Addie."

"Mark."

"This is a shock."

"I'm sure it is but we have to talk to you."

"We?"

"Derek would like to be present."

Mark felt like he'd just stepped into the Twilight Zone. "Well, sure. All right."

"When is good for you?"

"No time like the present. I just sent my secretary home." Then it occurred to him that that might not be such a good announcement. What if Derek was coming over here to kill him? But Addie wouldn't be a part of something like that, surely? In any case, it was too late now. They were going to come and were probably already on their way.

They were and very soon they had arrived. "Why don't we go into my office?" So Addison and Derek followed him in there. They all took seats. And then there was silence.

Finally Addison broke it. "We have to talk to you."

"So I gathered. What about?"

"About that night."

"All right. What's to say about it, though? You already made it clear you weren't leaving Derek."

Addison looked down at her lap and twisted her handbag straps nervously. "I know. I'm not. But this doesn't really have anything to do with that."

Mark was puzzled. "All right. What does it have to do with? And what is it, anyway?"

"A baby!" Addison just blurted it out.

"A baby?" Mark was stupefied.

"Yes, a baby. Apparently there is going to be a permanent little souvenir of that night when you helped yourself to my wife." Addison winced. "Sorry, Addie. I couldn't help myself."

"It's all right. You were entitled to that."

Mark, in the meantime, could only stare. "We made a baby that night. That wasn't supposed to happen."

Derek laughed bitterly. "Well, it did."

"And you're keeping it?"

Addison nodded. "Yes, I am. I'm not going to lie, I did consider abortion. But I ultimately realized, with Derek's help that I couldn't do it. That I didn't want to do it."

Mark was staring at them both with his mouth agape. "I'm not sure what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. You don't even have to be involved in this child's life if you don't want to be. Derek can and will be the official father."

Mark turned to Derek in shock. "And you're all right with this."

"I'm not going to lie. This isn't easy for me. But, yes, I am going to stand by Addison and this child and be a father to it."

"But I'm the father." Mark couldn't help saying.

Derek laughed again. "Right. And you're totally father material."

"Now hold on just a minute."

"Stop it! Both of you." This erupted out of Addison.

Both men turned to her in shock. Mark was the first to speak. "I'm sorry. Addie."

"Me too." This was from Derek."

"Am I making a mistake here?" Because I could still abort."

'No!" This came out simultaneously from both men.

She looked at them. "Are you sure? Because judging from the reaction of you both there is no way we can make this work?" She was on the verge of tears. Damn hormones!

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just that this is such a shock to me." Mark was very apologetic.

"I'm sorry too, Addie." Derek turned to Mark. "It was a shock to both of us too. Believe me."

"I do."

"But that doesn't help us much, does it?" Derek asked.

"I guess not." Mark was still in shock.

"So, where do we go from here?"

"That's what we're still trying to figure out."

Now Addison spoke. "Thank you both for stopping your fighting. It was more than I could take at the moment. Or at anytime, really."

"Not surprising in your condition," Derek noted.

"Yes, well, in speaking of that I think I should get home. I wanted to tell Mark and now we have."

"All right."

"Hey, wait a minute! You drop this bombshell and now you're just going to leave."

'What do you want us to do, Mark? Stick around for tea and crumpets?" Derek was sarcastic.

"I don't know. I think I'm still confused."

"Imagine how we felt."

Mark looked at Derek. "Good point. I know you'll never believe this but I am really sorry."

"You're right. I don't believe you and I'll never believe you."

"I think it's time to go. That would probably be best." This was Addison speaking up.

"That's all right with me. We did what we came here to do, which was tell him. Now he's told and so we can go.'

"Good night, Mark" This was Addison again.

"Good night."

The Shepherds existed leaving behind a very shocked Mark Sloan.

He had actually gotten Addison pregnant. Not only that but from the only sexual encounter they had had. Sure that was possible. He knew the old adage of you can't impregnate someone on your first time with them wasn't true but it was still a shock.

Theoretically, he supposed with the kind of life he lead that there could be little Sloans running around, unknown to him. He used protection but nothing was a hundred per cent.

The only time he could remember one of his conquests coming to him saying she was pregnant, he had simply given her the money for an abortion and thought no more about it.

But this was very different. He hadn't been in love with that woman like he was with Addison.

Not that that seemed to matter. It looked like Addison and Derek were staying together and Derek was going to be the father. Was that it? Was this his punishment for sleeping with his brother's wife? Was he doomed to be nothing but a sideline in his child's life?

It would seem so.


	14. Chapter 14

I'm so sorry it's been so long. I was locked out for a while due to lost passwords and I was paranoid that password recovery wouldn't work and so was afraid to try for a while. But it did work, thankfully and so I worked on the new chapter and here it is. If you are still with me I would appreciate comments. And Mark is coming up in the next chapter so the request for more Mark will be honored because more Mark isn't a hardship for me, even if it is for our favorite couple. lol

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Chapter 14

When they got home, Addison went straight to her new bedroom and collapsed on the bed. Derek being concerned, followed her.

"Are you, all right?"

"I'm fine."

"You know I don't believe that."

"It doesn't really matter."

"Of course, it does. We need honesty now more than ever. You need to be honest with me."

"All right. Telling Mark took a lot out of me. I know it was the right thing to do but still…."

"In what way, Addie?" Derek asked this gently.

"Just in so much guilt and pain. I think hearing out about the baby and the plans hurt him

because of…well… you know…"

"I do."

"And then there's you. I know I hurt you by sleeping with Mark and now the baby and everything. It's just so…."

"I get it."

"I just don't know what to do. Are you sure we're doing the right thing by having this baby?"

Derek sat down on the bed. 'As sure as anyone can ever be I guess. I know I don't harbor any ill will towards this baby. It's not his or her fault."

"But me? What about me? Do you harbor any ill will towards me?"

Derek sighed. He knew he had to be honest no matter how much it hurt her. Especially since he was just preaching about honesty. "To an extent…yes…I do. I mean I do still love you but…"

"I get it, Derek."

"But that doesn't mean that I will always feel this way."

"No?" Addison looked at him with hope in her eyes.

"No, I mean it. This honestly didn't kill my love for you. It wounded it…yes…but…"

Addison sighed. "I know."

"We're working on it. We have time before the baby comes."

"I know. I'm just afraid that with Mark involved it will be harder for us."

That was a legitimate fear. Derek couldn't deny it. "Well, I can tell you that I won't be the one who is an asshole about it."

"You think Mark will be."

"I don't know. I thought I knew him, but I obviously don't."

"I know what you mean. You thought you knew me too, but you obviously don't."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know. We obviously still have a lot of things to work through. I hope we can."

"I think we can. It's not like we don't have a fair bit of time before the baby comes."

"That's true."

Addison then hesitated before going on again. "Do you think it will make a difference? All this time."

"I think so. I hope so."

"And then there is still all that time after the baby comes. What then? What about all the years from now?"

Derek was confused. "What do you mean, Addie? I'm not following you."

"I mean that once this child is old enough, we will have to tell him or her the truth. Because they are going to notice sooner or later that other kids only have one or two parents and they have three. So, then they are going to find out that Mommy is an adulterous bitch!" Those last words were said with a sob.

"Whoa! Whoa! Calm down. By the time the child is even old enough to get any of that years will have gone by. It won't be at the forefront, like it is now."

"But it will still be a fact. Nothing can change that. Oh, why, oh why, did I have to get pregnant from my one and only time with Mark, when in all the years with you, we didn't have so much as one scare?"

"That's a good question I don't know the answer to."

"Neither of us does."

"So, then we can't waste time worrying about it. It happened, and nothing will change that. But it doesn't have to ruin everything for the rest of our lives. '

"I guess not. I mean, you stayed with me and that does count for something. Even though sometimes—a lot of the times—I can't really believe it."

"Well, I did."

"I'm glad."

'You know something."

"What?"

"I am too."

"You are?"

"Yeah. Hard to believe, I know."

"No, I do believe you. But you're right. I don't know…maybe there is some hope after all."

Derek sighed. "I'm not saying it isn't going to be difficult; it is. But we are working on it. We're both doing our best, I think."

Addison nodded. "I know that I am. It's good that you are too."

And it was. Being together was a good thing. It didn't mean that they weren't in the middle of a serious situation; they obviously were. But it didn't have to mean the end of everything.

"I just don't want this child to ever feel guilty or responsible for any of this."

"Because that's how you felt growing up?" Derek asked this gently.

Addison blushed. "I-I g-guess so."

Derek sighed. "Addie, it's not the same thing at all. Forgive me but your parents were both pieces of shit who let you feel responsible and take the blame for things that they, as the adults were responsible for. We aren't planning to do that, and we won't."

Addison smiled at him. "All right. I will try to stop worrying so much."

"I know you won't totally but trying is good."

"It is."

"I'm trying not to put pressure on you because I don't want to make things worse.'

"In what way?"

"Oh, the same things. I know you have to do things in your own time, but every fiber of my being is crying for you. I know that is my problem and nothing less than I deserve…"

"Hold on. I thought you were going to stop being the martyr."

Is that what I'm doing?"

"Yes. You did what you did but you must move on. I thought we had already decided that."

"We did. I guess the whole telling Mark thing has pushed it to the forefront again."

"That can't continue."

"I know."

"He's going to be around, much as I hate that. You like this because of him isn't going to make things any easier on anyone."

"You're right. "

"So, you're going to stop."

"I'll try."

"Do or do not. There is no try."

Addison burst out laughing. "Oh, you're going to throw out a Yoda quote at me. And after you just said that trying was good."

Derek nodded. "Well, maybe I was wrong, and the little green, wrinkled guy had a point."

"And he's cute too."

Derek frowned. "Oh, no you don't. You aren't throwing me over for Yoda now, are you? First it was Mark and now it's Yoda." He smirked.

"Well, Yoda does have something that Mark doesn't."

"What's that?"

"The Force. Being a Jedi Master counts for something."

Derek laughed. "I guess it does."

"Wow, Derek! You realize something?"

So sorry it's been so long "What?"

"We're actually joking about Mark. I think that's a great sign of progress."

"I think you're right. We may not get there overnight but we will get there."

"I'm starting to think we really will."


	15. Chapter 15

Mark gets a chapter to himself now. We'll get back to our couple, but I do hope you will like this chapter and you'll post comments. I do live for them, after all. Also, I don't know Nancy's married name, so I made one up. If she was given a last name in an episode I missed, then I'm sorry.

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Chapter 15

Mark was once again finishing up for the day when Agnes buzzed him. "Yes, Agnes."

"There is a Nancy Tomlinson on the phone for you. Will you take it?"

Mark gulped but summoned all his courage. "Yes, I will." He picked it up. "Nancy."

"Mark. I assume you know what I'm calling about."

"Yes. You want to chew me out."

She sighed. "Not necessarily. I just want to find out where your head was at."

"If I knew, I'd tell you."

"Well, I think we should talk."

"We are talking."

"Not over the phone, in person."

"Fine by me. When?"

"The sooner the better."

'Well, I'm done for the day now."

"Good. I'll be coming over to your office. Wait for me."

"I will." He hung up and buzzed his secretary. "Agnes, I'm expecting a visitor but not a patient. You can go home now."

"Thank you."

Mark was feeling about as uneasy as when he was waiting for Addison and Derek to come to his office. If anything, he was even more scared, if that was possible. Well, it was Nancy. She was the acknowledged leader of the Shepherd kids and her tongue lashings were famous. This wasn't going to be a pleasant interlude; that was for sure.

But he was there when she got there; he hadn't fled in terror. "Nancy."

"Mark."

"All right. You should just say what you're going to say. Go ahead and get it over with."

"What exactly do you think I'm going to say, Mark?"

"Oh, come on, Nancy. We both know you want to kill me for what I've done."

'I wouldn't say I want to kill you, Mark."

"Oh, no." Mark was skeptical, to say the least.

"No. I do want to know where your head was at. I mean, sleeping with Derek's wife, Mark. Come on. What were you thinking?"

I wasn't. I'm just so in love with Addison that I wasn't thinking at all."

"In love?" Nancy arched her eyebrows.

"Yes, in love with her. Why does everyone act like that isn't even possible?"

"Oh, I don't know, Mark. Maybe because in all the years you've been a part of our family, romantic love has never, ever been a part of the equation for you."

"Well, things can change."

"They can, but have they?"

"Yes, they can. She isn't just another conquest for me, Nancy, I really love her."

"Well, that's unfortunate because she is Derek's wife, after all. You didn't forget that, did you?"

"No, I didn't forget that.,"

"Then how did you think it was going to work out?"

"I don't know. I wasn't really thinking about that at all."

That she could believe. 'Well, Mark, then, I guess it's safe to say that you weren't planning on creating a child with her, were you?"

"Not at all. That came as a complete shock to me."

"It did to them too, believe me."

"She told me she considered aborting it."

"She told me that too. I'm not surprised."

"Why? Does everyone really think that little of me or that I'd be that awful of a father?"

Nancy sighed. She was beginning to feel sorry for him. Mark was Mark, after all and he and Addison had the same kind of dysfunctional background. In many ways, this was probably almost inevitable.

Still she never thought she'd see him this way. She never had before. He really seemed to want to be a father to this baby. It was shocking.

"Oh. Mark, Mark, Mark. What have you done? You do know it's not as simple as you just wanting to be a father to this baby. I mean, it's Derek's wife. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking anything at all, all right. I wasn't thinking at all. I didn't mean to fall in love with Addison. It's not like I set out to do that; it just happened."

"All right. Let's just back up a bit. How did it start?"

"I was just filling in for Derek when he couldn't or wouldn't be around. He's been absent for awhile and Addie was lonely; I could tell."

"So, you thought you'd just help yourself to his wife. You thought that that was just fine and dandy."

"No. I wasn't thinking at all about that or about anything else. I was just in love and I wanted Addison. That was all that seemed to matter to me."

"And it didn't work out so well, did it?"

Mark winced. "No."

Nancy sighed. "Mark, you just don't think. You're not a stupid guy—stupid guys aren't doctors- but you are impulsive and that gets you into trouble. Derek too, if your childhood is anything to go by."

"And so, I lose everything, Addison, Derek and my child"

"Oh, Mark. I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to be sorry for you."

"Yes, you are. I'm part of the family."

"Yes, yes, you are. That doesn't help now, though."

No, nothing does."

"Maybe this is a good thing for you."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, if you did fall in love with Addie, as you say—"

"I did."

"Then you can fall in love again. This time with someone appropriate and available. Maybe this is a good sign. Maybe this means that you are growing up and are ready to ditch the manwhore thing.'

Mark arched his eyebrows. "I'm not sure that will happen'

"It could. Look, if you truly did fall in love with Addison—"

"I did."

"Well then, there you go. It's possible for you to fall in love. If you fell in love once, you can again. Maybe that's what this was supposed to be about."

"I don't know." Mark was skeptical, to say the least.

"True. You don't know. I don't know. But what I do know is that you aren't getting Addison."

Mark winced. "I had gathered that."

Nancy sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you but it's true."

Mark sighed too. "But you are right. They are staying together, and I have to find a way to live with that."

"You all will. Because whatever happens and whatever comes this child is an innocent in all this. He or she may be the glue that binds you three together on a permanent basis, but you will have to work to make sure this child doesn't suffer for any of this mess. That isn't going to be easy."

Mark nodded as he sighed. "you're right. But all I can say is I will do my part. I don't want to make things any worse for Addison or this child. It's just that…"

"What?"

"I do want to be a part of this child's life. A good part. Not to show up Derek or to rub his nose in it but just to be there. I want to be there."

'You really do. You mean that."

"More than almost anything in my life."

"The becoming a doctor thing taking top place, I assume."

"You would be correct."

"Al right, Mark. I'll do what I can for you. Just don't make me sorry about that."

"You'll never be that. I promise."


	16. Chapter 16

So finally, there is more. Sorry about the wait but I must balance real life with my hobbies, as we all do. I hope you will enjoy this chapter and please leave a comment. They're still important to me.

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Chapter 16

And so, it was that when Addison and Derek arrived at Nancy's office at the appointed time they found, much to their shock that Mark was already there waiting for them.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Derek was livid.

"Nancy told me about the appointment. I rearranged my schedule, so I could be here. I just wanted to be here."

"Why you-. Of all the nerve!"

"Please, let's not make a scene, Derek." Addison was begging.

Just then Nancy came out in the nick of time. "Why don't we all go into my office before I examine Addie, all right?

They all followed her there. Once there, Derek exploded. "Did you know about this, Nancy? You told him. What were you thinking?

"Calm down and I'll tell you. All right. Now, I went to see Mark at his office. I did tell you I was going to talk to him."

"Yes, and apparently he conned you into letting him be here."

"No, Derek, he did not. I realize that I am not a world class surgeon like yourself but that doesn't make me stupid. Need I remind you that I am, in fact, a doctor."

"You don't have to remind me but what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that he's going to be a part of this whether you like it or not and so we just have to deal with it. The sooner the better."

"Fine."

"Good. Now why don't you and Mark go and sit in the waiting room and I'll go and examine Addie. Try not to tear it up, all right." They both assented. "Come on, Addie. Let's go and do this." Addison followed her to one of the exam rooms.

Once they got there Addison burst into tears. "Oh, Nancy, I think I'm making a huge mistake. You saw what happened out there. This is never going to work."

"Yes, it is. The two out there may be idiots but they're not bad guys and they both love you. They just needed this confrontation. It's good that it happened here where I can contain it, so things won't get any worse and maybe even will start to get better."

"You knew this would happen?"

"Not for sure but I figured it probably would."

"That's why you told Mark about the appointment."

"No, I told Mark about the appointment because he convinced me that he was really interested in being there and it wasn't to hurt Derek or you any further. But I knew that a fight about this had to happen and so I wanted it to be in a place I could manage it."

"You were so sure you could?"

"Addie, I've been managing those two since they were five. Of course, I could. They don't scare me and don't let them scare you. They'll work it out. All you should concern yourself with is you and the baby. Having a healthy pregnancy is the most important thing. All right."

"Yes, ma'am."

"All right. So, let's get on with it. How's the morning sickness?"

"I'm managing it all right. I keep crackers and ginger ale by the bed and they do work for me."

"Great. All right, I'm going to let you get changed and then I'll come back, and we'll get started, all right."

"Yes."

Nancy left her to it and went to the waiting room. "You both behaving?" They both glared at her but kept silent. "You had better because shit like you both just pulled is not good for either Addie or the baby, so I would advise you both to get your shit together if you don't want anything to happen to either of them." With that she turned on her heels and left.

"I don't want anything to happen to either of them." Mark said this quietly.

"Well, neither do I."

"I know. And I know that you're not in the easiest position and I appreciate what you're trying to do."

"I'm not doing it for you."

"I know but you also kind of are because I'm in it too, no matter if this was never my intention."

"Oh, really. So, what was your intention, Mark? I really would like to know."

"I don't know. To ride off into the sunset with her. I know how stupid that sounds.'

"It does but it also does sound like you."

Hey, there's no need for you to get nasty.'

"Right, because you sleeping with my wife wasn't at all nasty."

"It also wasn't about you."

"What was it about then?"

"All right. It was kind of about you because Addie had been lonely for a long time. But I was her friend and was just trying to help ease her loneliness. I never expected to fall in love with her. Which I did, no matter if anyone ever believes it or not."

"I don't believe it."

"I don't care if you do or not." After that, they were silent.

In the meantime, Nancy went back to her patient. "Everything's fine.' She announced this cheerfully.

Addison had her head in her hands in despair. "No, it's not. I must have been crazy to think this could work."

"No, you weren't. It can, and it will work."

How can you say that? You saw what they were both like out there."

"And they'll work it out on their own terms. Addie, that is for them to do; it's got nothing to do with you."

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

"Yes, I do because it's true. Now, can we stop wasting time arguing about them and get on with what's important, helping you have a healthy pregnancy? Which is my job and what I'm going to do so I need to get on with it. Now lie back down and I will give you the exam that you need to get."

She did. It was rather disconcerting to be on this end of it; she had to admit. But that was life and it was better to get on with it.

"There we're all done. Now get dressed and meet me in my office. I'm going to have the guys there too." Addison wondered what now, but she did as she was told.

Once all three of them were seated in Nancy's office she laid it all out for them. "In spite of the atrocious way you both behaved I do still believe that you are on the side of Addie and her pregnancy. In other words, you want her to have a healthy one and don't want anything to happen to her or the baby. Am I right?"

Derek and Mark both nodded. "Good. So, there will be no more of what I just had in this office. I know you both have serious issues to work out. All three of you do. But you're all adults and at heart you are all good, decent people. So, work it out like the adults that you are. I know you can do it. You have to, and I know you all have the stuff. Now get out of here and let me run my practice."

With that they were dismissed, and they left.


	17. Chapter 17

I think this update is sooner than the last one. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy and will continue to tell me what you think. It really means a lot to me.

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Chapter 17

On the way home Addie's cell phone rang. She picked it up. "Nancy?"

"Yes, in the turmoil that happened at my office, prompting me to kick you all out, I overlooked something important."

"Which is?"

"Your appointment for next month. I should have had you make it before you left."

"I'm sorry."

No need to be. It was my fault. I shouldn't have kicked you all out so fast."

"So you still should have kicked us out?" Addison couldn't help asking.

Nancy laughed. "Yep. I don't regret that at all, but you still need an appointment. How about same day and time next month?"

"Sounds good. I'll put it in my phone as soon as I hang up."

"Good deal. See you soon."

"Bye." Addison proceeded to put it in her phone.

"That was Nancy." Derek stated.

"Yes. She kicked us out before scheduling my next appointment and so that was what I was doing."

"So, when is it?'

She told him.

Derek nodded. "I'll make sure my schedule is clear, so I can go with you. There's enough time to do that."

Addison was staring at him with her mouth hanging open. "You do realize that Mark is probably going to be there too."

"I know. I promise that there won't be a repeat of what happened at the office just now."

"That's not what I meant. I'm just surprised that you still want to come, knowing that. I mean, why subject yourself to that?"

"because Addison, you're my wife and in all the important ways, this is my kid."

"You really mean that?"

"I do. I'm not saying that it doesn't really shock me because it does, but I still really do mean it."

"Thank you, Derek. That means the world to me."

But as they drove home, Derek kept going over her words in his mind. She had not expected him to keep wanting to come with her once he found out that Mark was going to be a part of things there. Maybe that sort of low expectations of him had contributed to her sleeping with Mark. It still didn't make it right, but it did give him more to think about.

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Mark was on his way back to his practice when his phone also rang. He picked it up. "Hello."

"Hello Mark, it's me, Nancy."

"Yeah, I recognized the number. What's up?

"I realized that I had kicked you all out before scheduling Addie's next appointment. So, I called them and did that. Now I want to let you know when it is."

"When is it?"

She told him.

"All right, thanks."

He hung up and was glad for the distractions of patients for a while. Unfortunately, that only lasted un till the workday was over. Then it was home to his luxury apartment, where he could be alone with his thoughts. And they weren't happy ones. But what could he do about it? The situation was what it was, and it was entirely self-made.

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As soon as they got home, Addison went straight to what was now her room. There she plunked herself on the bed and just lay there, staring up at the ceiling. Derek was concerned enough to follow her in. "Addie, are you, all right?"

She gave him a wan smile. "I'm all right."

"Right."

She sighed. "I'm still worried about if I'm doing the right thing."

"And what happened at Nancy's office didn't help."

"Derek, you had every right to feel how you feel and react about it. I wasn't expecting Mark there either."

Derek came and sat down on the bed. "But maybe I could have handled it better."

"No. That would require superhuman patience and neither of us has that. I'm not mad at you about it, honest."

"All right. But if I'm really committing to be a father to this baby, I have to really mean it and stop being …"

"You're not. Look, we have time. It's still early. Better to have things like this happen now then when the baby is old enough to understand that its two fathers hate each other."

"I do see your point. Still, I'm going to try my best to not have a repeat performance."

She smiled at him. "I know. And I'm going to do my best to prove worthy of all your efforts."

Maybe, just maybe, she already was.


	18. Chapter 18

Sorry for the delay. I was blocked on this story. I know I want to follow them though her pregnancy and giving birth but too many consecutive chapters of just doctor appointments could get boring. Who knows? Maybe this chapter is too. But I tried. Also, I have been wondering if Addison would be the kind of woman who would want to know what she is having, or would she want to be surprised. I can't make up my mind, so I need your help. Because while we are not there yet, we will be.

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Chapter 18

The next morning as they got ready for work Addie brought up the subject again. "Derek, are you sure we're not making a mistake?"

"Is anybody ever really sure? Parenthood isn't going to be the easiest thing in the world."

"No, I know that. But this—she gestured around with her hands—isn't your typical impending parenthood scenario."

"You're right about that."

"So, I just want to make sure."

Derek sighed. It looked like the altercation with Mark yesterday had really shook her up. Not that he blamed her. It really shook him up too.

"Look Addie, I'm sorry about what happened with Mark at Nancy's office."

Addison waved a hand dismissively. "You had and have every right to be upset about it."

Derek nodded. "But not to the point of upsetting you enough to make you doubt your decision. You have always wanted kids and you're going to be a wonderful mother."

Addison's eyes filled with tears. "Do you really think so?"

"Yeah, of course. I always knew that. Why? Didn't you?"

She shrugged. "With my background and parents."

"We're back to this again. Addie, your parents are your parents and you are you. You have nothing to do with your parents."

"Genetically I do."

"I don't mean that. I mean just as a person you are light years ahead of them"

"Even with what I did. Derek, how can you say that I'm light years ahead of them? I'm no better than they are."

Derek sighed. It was very strange to be put in a position to be reassuring and comforting to a wife over the fact that she had cheated on him. But nevertheless, that was the position he found himself in. "Because they cheat and don't feel bad about it. You do. They do it because they don't care if it's wrong or not. You do. You did it and it was wrong, and you realized it. I mean, yes, sure, you did it anyway, but judging from how you've been since I don't think you are happy or proud of the fact that you did it."

Addison sighed. "You're right about that. It's just a very hard thing to live with, how bad I hurt you."

"Well, I hurt you too."

"You did but that still doesn't justify what I did."

"No, it doesn't. I'm not saying it does. But you know that and you're not going to do it again, right?"

She shook her head. "Of course not, Derek."

"There you go then."

"O.K."

"Good. Let's go now or we'll be late."

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When they got home, she headed for the kitchen, got a bottle of water and plopped on the living room couch. "Addie. You all right?"

"Yeah." She shifted on the living room couch and took a sip from her water bottle. "I was just thinking."

"About what?" He sat down beside her.

"About why I couldn't talk to you about how I was feeling. I wanted to but…."

"You weren't sure if I would hear you."

She looked over at him in shock. 'Derek—I—"

"It's all right. You're not the only one who's been doing some self-reflection.'

"I'm not trying to say it was your fault. It's all my fault the sleeping with Mark thing."

"And you have been taking responsibility for that. I need to do the same for my part in it. After all, a marriage is two people, not just one and both sides usually have something to do with things that happen."

"Yeah, I guess."

And then something occurred to him. He wasn't a shrink like his sister Kathleen, but he had gotten some knowledge of her field simply through osmosis. All the Shepherds had some knowledge of each other's fields through that. Back in the days when he was more present for family life. "Addie, did you want to get caught?"

Now she was shocked and looking at him very strangely. "Derek, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about most spouses who indulge in extra martial affairs go to a motel or something like that. They don't take the risk of indulging in their activities in their home."

"I honestly didn't think you would be coming home. You hardly had been home much up until then."

"Right but it was still possible I would come home, no matter how small the odds."

"What are you saying, Derek?"

"I'm saying that maybe your tryst was actually a cry for help."

Addison looked down at her hands in her lap. "I don't know. I never thought about it like that. I suppose it could be true. If so, it certainly wasn't the best or most healthy way to go about things."

"Right but that's my point. You really don't know any healthy way of coping or asking for help. The family you came from…. well let's just say the Montgomery family are hardly the poster children for healthful coping."

"I can't argue with that."

"All right. So no more of that. From now on you come to me with whatever is bothering you no matter what. I know it won't be easy but Addie, you've got to try. Not just for our marriage sake but for our impending child. You don't want him or her to repeat these patterns, do you?"

Addison looked at him in horror. "Of course not. I want to do better than my parents did."

"I know you do."

"The problem is that I'm not sure if I can." She said this in such a small voice that Derek's heart went out to her.

"I think you can. You want to which is more than can be said for them so that puts you ahead right there."

"Yeah. Maybe." She was staring at him.

"What?"

"You do realize you talked about our child."

"I did?"

"Yeah. I didn't realize you felt that way. I wanted you to. I hoped you did but I was scared. I didn't want to pressure you. I have no right to do that."

He sat down beside her. "You're not pressuring me. I didn't even realize that I felt that way. I don't know when it happened. Maybe it was there all along. I don't know.'

"Well, you were never going to hold the circumstances of this child's conception against it. I think we had already established that. So maybe it's not such a leap from there to feeling genuine love for the baby."

'Yeah. Maybe. I can hardly believe it, though."

"I can. That's who you are."

"It's who I want to be. I don't always make it. I often fall short."

"Join the club." And they smiled at each other.


	19. Chapter 19

I'm filling the request for more Mark by giving him another chapter. I hope you guys will like it and tell me what you think. And for those waiting for the concluding chapter of 'Addison's Flu', I am working on it.

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Chapter 19

Mark rolled over on his side and looked at the woman he was sleeping with. "Hey, look, it's not that it wasn't great and all that, but I do have to get to work. I have a practice to run."

Melanie sighed. That was a brush off if she ever heard one. But it wasn't as if she didn't know what she was getting into by sleeping with Mark Sloan. His reputation preceded him. "Don't I even get breakfast?"

"I don't have time." Mark leaned over to the night stand and pulled out the drawer where he kept his wallet. Tossing a twenty at her, he spoke. "I can't go with you but, yeah, you should at least get breakfast. "

"So, it's just wham, bam, thank you ma'am."

"I never promised you more."

That was true. "Can I at least use your shower?"

"Yeah, sure. I've got to make a phone call anyway." Once his conquest disappeared into the bathroom, Mark made his call. "Hey, Nancy. I need some information. No, nothing confidential."

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Addison and Derek were relaxing in their living room watching the news when their doorbell rang. "I'll go see who it is." Derek got up and went to open the door. "What are you doing here, Mark?"

Addison, upon hearing that hastened to the front door. "What are you doing here, Mark?" She echoed Derek's question.

"I'm not here to make trouble or upset anyone. I just have something for Addison. Or, I guess it would be more for the baby" He brought a wrapped package out from behind his back. "You don't have to open it in front of me or Derek. I just hope you'll accept it in the spirit it is given in." He started to turn away.

"Wait Mark!" Addison stopped him. "I'll open it in front of you."

"You might as well come in then." Derek said this grudgingly, but civilly, which was something.

They all moved into the living room and took seats. Addison unwrapped and opened the package. It contained a ducky calendar and a Yankees onesie. She and Derek stared at him.

"I called Nancy to get the due date. I realize that that's just an estimate and I obviously know when conception happened, but I still wanted to get the information from an expert. If you turn to the right page in the calendar, you'll see…"

Addison did as he indicated. There on the page indicated a date was circled. The approximate due date.

"I know you two are staying together. I've accepted that. I just want some role here. I'm not trying to cause trouble, honest. I just want to be some kind of presence in the kid's life. It does mean something to me, all right."

"Mark—Addison started to say.

"No, just don't, Addie, all right. I realize that you're not and never were in love with me, but I am still in love with you and this kid is the closest thing I'll ever get to having you at all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I should go." He hastily left.

For a long time after Mark left Addison and Derek sat silently. Then Addison spoke. "I hate this. I hate how I'm hurting him. I never wanted to hurt anyone."

Derek sighed. "I know you didn't, Addie."

"But I did."

"Well, we'll all get over it. I'm working on it. Mark just has to too."

"I suppose. 

"Besides, you were hurt too."

"Yeah, but still."

"I know but no more buts. We have to all move on from this."

"Can we?"

"Well, we're trying. It's not easy but I know that we can get there."

"Yeah." She looked at the items Mark had bought. "Can we even use these? I don't want to rub your nose in the fact that this child isn't biologically yours."

"You won't be. I was surprised at him doing this. You know, buying these."

"Yeah, me too. He's far more into this than I ever expected him to be."

"Well who in the world would ever expect Mark Sloan to embrace impending fatherhood? In all the years I've known him that was never his thing."

"He was a player, even at the age of five?" Addison was curious.

"Yeah. He always was into the girls, the more the better. But he was never one to play at domesticity, if you know what I mean. I was the one, my sisters always recruited to be the father of their dolls."

"That's kind of disturbing, Derek."

He laughed. "Oh, you know what I mean."

"I do. I used Archer for the same thing. Except in my case, it was more like you must be pregnant and give birth to this doll, so I can deliver it."

"Oh, my God. And he actually went along with that." Derek couldn't help laughing. "I can't wait to the next time we see him."

"If you tell him I told you I will have no choice but to kill you. Remember I'm a doctor. I can kill someone and make it look natural."

Derek laughed again. "All right. I won't say anything to him. I can hardly believe he went along with it, though."

Addison shrugged. "Well, he was my big brother. He loved me and would do anything for me. That's still true."

"Yes, yes, it is. He's not the only one, though."

"What?"

"The only one that loves you and will do anything for you. I love you and will do anything for you. I think the proof is me staying here and being a father to this child that is coming."

"Yes. I agree. That is sound proof. And just so you know, the feeling is mutual."

"I had rather hoped it was."

"Well, it is."

"So, now that we've established that, what is next?"

"I guess just keep on doing what we're doing while we wait for our child to be born."

"All right. I can do that."

"Yes, yes you can, and you are."


	20. Chapter 20

I have an update for you guys at last. I hope you will let me know what you think in a comment. I live for those. Thank you.

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Chapter 20

In due time all three of them were back in Nancy's office, waiting for Addison's next appointment. At least this time there were no fights. All three of them were silent and civil. That was something good.

Nancy came and got Addison. "Change and I'll be right with you." She then hightailed it back to the boys. "Everything all right in here. You two behaving?"

Derek nodded. "We learned our lesson. We're behaving"

Nancy smiled at them. "Good. I'm proud of you both for stepping up. Because it's Addison and the baby that matter right now. They're all that matters right now. So, the fact that you can both get over your petty bullshit is great." She went back through the door.

"It's not petty bullshit"

"What?"

"Being upset that you slept with my wife is not petty bullshit. I have a right to be legitimately upset by that."

Mark sighed. "I know that, Derek.

"Good because you're not the injured party here."

"I never said that I was. But if we are going to lay it all on the line here you could say I'm paying for what I've done in that I'm not going to be the father figure in my child's life. That' always going to be you. And maybe you can think and do think that that is justified but it still hurts. It'll always hurt.'

There wasn't much Derek could say after that.

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"So, how are you doing?"

Addison shrugged. "All right I guess."

"Your weight is good. Now's not the time to be worrying about your figure. Not that you ever had to worry." Nancy smiled ruefully.

Addison smiled back.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"That's normal."

"I know. I tell my patients that all the time. It's just really different being at this end of it."

"Tell me about it. I remember all too well."

Addison smiled. "And soon I'll be joining in all the complaints that people have about their children."

Nancy laughed. "Yes, yes, you will. But moving on, would you like to hear the heartbeat? Before you say anything, you and I both know it's not an actual heart at this stage but it kind of loses something to say the rudimentary cardiac first stirrings. It is detectable now, though and would you like to?"

"Yes, yes, I would,"

"All right, I'll bring the machine in. I'll also go and invite the guys in since they have been behaving."

"Yes, they have. They're both trying."

Good. I can be proud of them both. I'll be back." Nancy went out to the waiting room. "Addie wants to hear the heartbeat. I'm about to go get the machine. If you want to listen in, go to the last door on the left."

Both Derek and Mark got up and followed Nancy's directions. It wasn't long before Nancy had rolled in the machine. "All right. Let's get things started." She turned it on and proceeded to move the wand around Addison until— "Aah, yeah. There we go."

And there was an audible sound that all four of them could hear. "There it is, Addie. That's your baby's heartbeat."

"I-I don't know what to say"

"Pretty overwhelming, huh?" Addison nodded. "I remember that well. It never gets old, though or casual, no matter how many children you wind up having."

Derek and Mark were just silent.

"Come on guys, you must have something to say." Nancy teased them.

Mark spoke first. "I don't know what to say. That's my kid's heartbeat. It's amazing and awesome and wonderful and…"

Nancy smiled at him. "I get what you're saying. Ted felt the same way for all of our kids."

Everyone then turned to Derek.

"It's pretty well…. I can't add much more to what Mark already said but it is pretty great and awesome and wonderful and all that stuff."

"Yes, it is," Nancy agreed. "All right, Addie, we are now done for the month. Everything is progressing normally. I'll see all of you back here next month. Same time and day."

They all agreed. Then the appointment was over and all of them left.

Once Addie and Derek got home Addie went straight to the room, she was now sleeping in. Derek was concerned and followed her. "Everything all right?"

Addison had sunk onto the bed. "Yes, I'm fine."

"Addison, could you please be honest with me?"

Addison sighed. "It's just really overwhelming to hear the heartbeat for the first time. It isn't even really technically a heartbeat this early but…"

"I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah. This kind of cements the reality of it all. You're pregnant, Addison. It's real. You're going to be a mother. We're going to be parents."

"It's a great thing but still so scary."

"That's true. But I think we'll be good at it. At least I hope so."

"You'll be a wonderful father, Derek."

"And you'll be a great mother, Addison."

"I hope so."

"You will be. Don't worry."

"It's kind of hard not to." Addison sighed.

Derek sat down next to her. "I hear what you're saying and I get it but I still know that you're going to make an excellent mom."

Addison got tears in her eyes. "Thank you for saying that, Derek."

"I didn't say it for thanks. I said it because it's true."

"All right. I still want to thank you because you saying that is really helping to ease my insecurities. At least somewhat."

"Only somewhat. Guess I'll have to put in a lot more effort to convince you.," he teased.

She laughed. "Oh, I don't know. I'd say your efforts are good enough right now and that they're paying off."

Glad to hear it."

Then Addison sobered. "In all seriousness I do have to tell you that I really appreciate how you've been through all this. You've gone above and beyond the call."

Derek blushed. "It wasn't that big a deal."

"Yes, it is, and you know it too. So just shut up and accept my sincere thanks and appreciation."

Derek had to laugh at that. "All right, Addie, all right. You win. I accept the accolades."

"Damn right you will." And they both had a good laugh together.


	21. Chapter 21

I have an update for you guys at last. I hope you will let me know what you think in a comment. I live for those. Thank you.

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Chapter 21

Derek was doing some serious thinking. He had been contemplating a change in the status quo for a while but hadn't acted on it because he wanted to be sure. There was no sense in doing it, only to find that he had made a mistake.

"Are you all right?" Addie asked him.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"You seem distracted."

"I guess I am."

"Want to tell me what about?"

"I can't. Not right now."

"All right." Addison felt fear in her again. Had he changed his mind? Was he now going to leave her?"

Derek shook his head. "No, Addie, I'm not going to leave you."

She blushed. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"I can read your expressions after all this time. I would like to think I have learned something about you after all this time."

He did have a point, she had to admit.

Still, she did feel a growing uneasiness that there was something on his mind that he was reluctant to talk to her about. Isn't that how they got into this situation in the first place? Wasn't a lack of clear communication at least a part of it, if not the whole part?

She decided to tell him that and did.

He nodded. "I hear what you're saying, Addie, I do. But this isn't something that I feel ready to discuss with you yet. I will but right now isn't the time and I don't want to hurt you by jumping the gun on anything."

Addison blinked. That she had not been expecting. She wasn't sure to be happy that he was being so careful of her feelings or scared about what the implications of whatever he was thinking about could be?

Apparently, he could read her mind, as his next words suggested. "I promise you this isn't anything bad and you will know as soon as I'm ready to tell you."

Addison sighed. "All right. I believe you. It's just hard."

"I know and I'm not doing this to hurt you any further. I just have to be sure."

"All right. Then I'll give you the time to be sure."

Which she did. It was hard but she did it.

About two weeks later Derek came to her as she was getting ready for bed. "Would you like to get ready for bed in the place you should be?"

Addison blinked. "Are you asking what I think you're asking?"

Derek nodded. "I'm asking you to move back into our bedroom."

"You really mean it?"

"I do."

Then it dawned on her. "This is what you were thinking about. What you wouldn't tell me."

He nodded again. "I've been thinking about it ever since we heard the baby's heartbeat. Yes, I know it isn't a heartbeat, not really, but you get what I mean."

"I do." Addison just stood there, trembling with tears in her eyes.

Derek was alarmed. "Addie, are you, all right?"

She nodded. "I'm just really overwhelmed. I had hoped to be able to be with you again, but I wasn't expecting it this soon."

"I want to be clear, though. I'm still not ready to have sex with you, yet."

Addison nodded again. "I get that. That's fair."

"I don't want to rush things and I think baby steps is the best way to go." They both couldn't help laughing at that phrase.

Then he went on. "But that is why I didn't want to say anything to you. I didn't want to get your hopes up if I had decided that I wasn't ready."

"I appreciate that, Derek. "

"So, are you going to come or not?" He teased her.

She smiled at him. "I'm coming."

She followed him to their bedroom but stopped in the door. "What?"

"It looks the same. I don't think it will feel the same."

He nodded. "Yeah, at first I thought about sleeping in another of the bedrooms."

"You didn't, though."

"No. I guess I decided to not let a feeling stop me. After all, I did stay after catching you in the act here."

"That's true. You did."

"Anything after that was going to be small potatoes in comparison."

"Yes. Anyway, are you sure? I mean, really sure."

"As sure as I can be. I told you I have been thinking about this for a while. I wanted to be as sure as I thought I could be before saying anything to you."

"I appreciate that, Derek."

"So, are you coming into our bedroom or what?"

"Yes." She entered and then got into bed.

"How are you?"

"Happy but nervous. I know we're just going to sleep and that's all but…"

"I get it. I feel the same way."

"Will it ever get any better?"

"I hope so. This is only the first night. It will probably take some time for us to get used to each other again."

"Yeah." She sounded sad.

"What's the matter, Addie?"

'You saying we have to get used to each other again. I know you're right, but we shouldn't have to and we wouldn't if I hadn't—" Her voice broke.

"That's enough. What's done is done and you and I are moving on from it. I want you here and I need you to want to be here."

"Of course, I want to be here. I've missed you and being with you in any capacity so much."

"I've missed you too."

"Really?"

"Yes. It wasn't easy for me to admit that obviously, but it is true."

"I understand, Derek."

"Yes. Anyway, here we are."

"Yes, and I'm really glad to be back here again. I don't want you to think I'm not."

"I don't think that."

"Good."

"I think we should probably stop talking, though and go to sleep. We do have work in the morning."

"True. Good night, Derek."

"Good night, Addison."


	22. Chapter 22

I noticed the last two author's notes said the same thing. I swear I'm not just copying and pasting. Reviews mean a lot to me. I beg for them every chapter. The least I could do is make sure each note is unique begging. So, I have an update and I would appreciate comments very much. All righty then. See you next update.

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Chapter 22

And now they were all three at Nancy's office again. It was kind of amazing that circumstances were still letting all three of them make the appointments but maybe fate was aligning nicely for them, for once.

And Nancy came out cheerfully to get Addison when it was her turn.

"Your other patients are going to be jealous. I think I'm the only one you come out to escort personally back." Addison pointed out to her.

Nancy laughed. "I care about all my patients but they're not family. You are."

"So, none of your other sisters come to you for gynecological care."

Nancy laughed again. "Nope. Are you kidding me? Not that I blame them. I wouldn't want someone I grew up playing Barbies with to see my lady parts either. It's just not dignified."

Addison couldn't help laughing. "Nothing about our specialty is really that dignified."

"Very true. But let's get on with it. You know the drill and so I'll leave you alone to get changed and I'll be back in five minutes."

"O.K."

Nancy then left and came back in five minutes. Then she got down to business.

"So, I'm happy to report that everything looks good. The pregnancy is progressing normally. How are you feeling?"

"Tired, mostly. Crackers are still helping with the morning sickness and for that, I'm very happy."

"Yeah, that was the suckiest part of being pregnant. Up until actually delivering." Nancy laughed.

"This is true. Very good point."

"Anyway, that's that. We're done here until next month. Same time and place?

"That's working, so, yeah."

"How are things going, otherwise?'

"Well, Derek invited me back into our bedroom. Just for sleeping as of now but that's still something."

"You bet your ass it is. That's wonderful."

"I think so. Of course, I'm not sure if he won't throw me back out for telling you this."

"I'm not going to say anything. Besides, as your gynecologist, he knows I'm privy to things he'd probably wishes I'd rather not know. But I don't rub his face in it, do I?"

Addison laughed. "No, I can't say that you do."

"Great. See, it's all good, right?"

"I'm not sure I'd go that far but it isn't that bad either."

"Right. Well, off you go then and see you next month."

Addison returned to the waiting room and gave the guys the update. "Things are progressing well."

"Glad to hear it." That was Derek.

"Me too." That was Mark.

"Well, we should all be getting back." Addison pointed out.

Mark nodded. "Yeah. So, I'll see you guys next month. And Addie—" They both looked at him. "Thank you for having the baby. For not aborting." He then left in a hurry leaving behind a very blown away Addison and Derek.

But duty called and they couldn't really discuss that until later, after they both were home.

"That was weird." Addison was shaking her head in disbelief.

Derek shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. Mark's as pro choice as we are. He would have known and agreed that the final decision on whether or not to go through with this was up to you."

"I know that. It was just surreal to hear him thanking me. I mean, sometimes, I still wonder if I'm really doing the right thing. Is this really what's best?"

"Well, we won't know that for another eighteen years." Addison looked at him. "Face it, Addie, whatever we do he or she is going to blame us for everything. That seems to be what happens to parents. Everything that goes wrong in our lives is our parents' fault."

"Hmm. Well, in my case, it just might be."

"Having met and now know the Montgomery's very well, I can't say that I disagree." They both had a laugh at that one.

"In all seriousness, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You'll make an excellent mother."

"Thank you. You'll make an excellent father."

"Thank you."

"Anyway, glad that that's settled."

"Oh, nothing is ever settled, Addie. Parenthood is a journey that never ends. But I think we'll be good at it. I'm just less sure about Mark."

Addison sighed. "He's the wild card. But he seems to want to be …."

"Seems being the operative word here."

"You don't think he will be?"

"I'm not sure, Addie. This situation is new to all of us and it's not exactly the easiest to deal with for any of us. "

"That is true."

"I know we all genuinely want to be good about it. None of us is going to be blaming the baby for its conception. That's already been established."

Addison nodded. "Yes, if anyone would and had a right to it would be you. But you aren't that kind of man. You've never been that kind of man. That's exactly why I would give anything for this baby to be yours."

"Well, isn't it? In all the ways that really count?"

"Yes. I still wish…."

"Well, there's no law that says we have to stop at one. We have this big house. Plenty of room for you to give me biological children."

"And just how many were you thinking of? Keep in mind that you only plant the seed. I'm the one who does all the work."

"I'd help after birth, though. And I don't know. Let's just wing it."

"How about we table this until after this one actually comes, and we see how we all do navigating this highly unusual parental situation?

"Fair enough."

"I will concede, though, that when we did talk about kids over the years it was always plural and not singular."

Derek was grinning. His smile was a mile wide. "And so."

"And so, I'm not necessarily saying that this would be the one and only pregnancy and birth I'm willing to go through. I'm just saying, I'm not a cat. I don't want to jump from Mark to you and birth a half a dozen at once. The female human body is not really made to carry and birth litters which is why multiples usually have serious issues. The Dionne Quintuplets, notwithstanding. I, for one, am glad we aren't made for litters. I love babies. I just don't think that I could handle six or seven at a time."

Derek nodded in agreement. "Me either. So, I'm perfectly willing to table things until after this baby gets here."

"Thank you, Derek.'

"But then once you have actually proven to yourself that you are a good mother by mothering the baby when it arrives, I will then exercise my right to persuade you to have more because we can."

Addison rolled her eyes but was smiling. "Sure thing, Derek. Whatever you say." Then they both laughed and that was that.


	23. Chapter 23

Sorry this took so long. I have no good excuse but it's here now and other parts will follow till this is done. No matter how long it takes. Hope you enjoy this part and will let me know what you think.

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Chapter 23

"And a great welcome to you all." Nancy's cheery voice had a different effect on all of them. It irritated Derek, although that just might have been because she was his sister and had been irritating him since childhood. It cheered Mark up because he felt that it was maybe possible that at least one person involved in this whole thing still liked him. It caused Addison to feel somewhat halfway between happiness and guilt. Happiness because of the baby and guilt, also because of the baby. Yes, it was a pretty messed up situation indeed.

"So, things are still going well?" Nancy asked.

"I suppose so."

"What do you mean you suppose so. Addie, talk to me."

"Derek and I were laughing and joking about having more kids after this one."

Nancy beamed. "That's great. About time you two would take the plunge. You'll be great at it"

But Addison was shaking her head. "Nancy, what if there's something wrong with the baby? I'm not young anymore."

"Hold on! You may not be as youthful as you would have been if you'd gotten pregnant earlier but you're hardly a candidate for a nursing home either."

"I know but look-

"No, you look. You aren't that old, and age isn't the only factor in having a healthy pregnancy and baby. Addie, are you a drug addict?'

"No."

"Do you smoke?'

"no."

"I know you're a social drinker, but have you had any alcohol since you found out that you were pregnant?'

"No."

"there you are then. Look, I'm not telling you that there are any guarantees, but I have no reason to think there would be anything wrong.'

"Still—'

"I know. It's harder for women like us to be pregnant because we are ob-gyns. We know what can and does go wrong. Especially you. You see a lot more of what goes wrong then I do because I and other regular doctors like me send you the cases that break hearts. But Addie, you have a lot going for you in this pregnancy. More than any negative thing age wise could be."

"All right. I can maybe believe that."

"What else is bothering you? I can tell something else is so don't deny it and just be honest with me."

"It will sound stupid."

"Maybe but you aren't stupid and you're pregnant, so things are a little different now. Just tell me and let me be the judge of whether it is stupid or not."

"Karma."

"Excuse me. I'm not following."

"I conceived this baby through an adulterous one-night stand with my husband's best friend. What if the retribution that I earned comes to this baby instead?'

"Oh, Addie, honey, you can't possibly believe that."

"I don't know."

"Trust me. That's not how it works."

"I know that in my head but sometimes it's hard to convince my heart of that."

"You know for a W.A.S.P. you sure seem to have cornered the market on Catholic guilt"

They both had a chuckle at that one.

Then Nancy turned serious again. "But you can't honestly keep believing that. I think you need to talk to Derek."

"No, I can't. It's not his problem and I don't want to burden him."

Nancy rolled her eyes. "He's your husband. Sharing things and helping out your partner is what marriage is all about."

"Marriage is also all about fidelity and I would say I tossed that out the window fast enough."

"And Derek forgave you. I think it's time you forgave yourself."

"Easier said than done."

"Especially for you but you have to try. And talk to Derek or I will. In fact, I'll go right now."

"Nancy, no!" But it was too late. Nancy was a bossy meddler, but she loved her family and would do what needed to be done for them.

"Derek, you and Addison need to talk. I won't say about what, but you need to and if she doesn't tell you call me and I will. Now I've got to get back to my other patients"

The three of them were left dumbfounded. "I kind of hate your sister right now." Addison finally said.

"She's your sister too," Derek said mildly.

"What's going on?" Mark felt more out of the loop than usual.

"Beats the hell out of me. Addie?" Derek looked bewildered.

Addison sighed. "It's nothing."

"Didn't sound like nothing to me."

"We'll talk about it at home."

'What about me? Do I get to be in the loop?" This was Mark.

Addison looked at him. "Not now, Mark. Maybe I'll call you later but no. Right now, I have to leave" She practically ran out of the office, leaving the men there, stunned.

"I guess I'd better go after my wife." Derek made a move to do so but was stopped by Mark.

"I know you hate me and with good reason but I'm worried. Could you at least let me know what's going on once you find out.?"

Derek nodded. "Yes, I will." Then he went after Addie.

"Addie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that. I'm not stupid. I know something is. Do I have to go to Nancy?'

Addison sighed. "No. I'll tell you tonight. Promise. I won't like it, but I will tell you."

So, Derek had to be content with that. When they got home however, it was a different story. "All right, what was Nancy talking about?"

"My age."

"Excuse me."

"I'm not young anymore, Derek."

"You're hardly ready for the nursing home.'

"That's what Nancy said."

"She's right."

"But a lot of things can still go wrong."

"True but you are getting great care and you take care of yourself. That puts the odds in your favor."

"Maybe."

"You're not giving me the whole story. There is something else, isn't there?'

"Yeah."

"Just tell me. As you've told me we must communicate for things to work. Let's here the rest."

So, she told him.

"Oh, Addie, no! That's not how it works!"

"How do you know?"

"I don't really but I do think I have got a pretty good idea. Look, it's natural for you to have doubts and fears, even with your specialty. Especially with your specialty. But you can't give in to them. Whatever happens we will be all right."

"Again, how do you know?"

Because we already survived the earthquake of your infidelity. If anything was going to kill us that would have been it. But it didn't. Don't you see? We get through that and come through what is thrown at us. I think that is a testament in and of itself."

Addison smiled at him. "Maybe you're right."

"I know I am." And she did, in fact feel better after talking to him.


	24. Chapter 24

I know it's been awhile. Sorry about that. Things happen in real life, but this story is never far from my thoughts and I ruminate on it in between chapters so I can update and hopefully the update will be good. I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know. Thanks for being here.

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Chapter 24

Then Derek leaned back. "I have to call Mark."

Addison blinked and then stared at him. "Call Mark?" She repeated doubtfully.

"Yes, call Mark. "It's not like I want to but he was really worried about you when you made that hasty exist from Nancy's. He begged me to call him and let him know what was going on. I promised him I would, and I don't break my promises."

If that last part could be taken as a dig against Addison—well—Derek was only human and not a saint. He was still carrying around some anger and hurt which was justified.

"I'm so sorry, Derek."

He sighed. "I know. But I guess it's best for me to let it out as I need to so I won't be doing it with the baby."

She nodded. "Not that I think you will, but it just goes to show that we have a lot more work to do. At least we're both willing to put in the work."

"Yes, there is that. Now I guess I'll call Mark." He took out his phone and made the call.

Mark answered on the first ring. "How is she? What's going on?"

"She's fine. She was just worried about her age and the effect on the baby. But I think Nancy and I might have talked her down from that."

"That's good. May I talk to her?"

"Sure." Derek handed the phone to Addison. "He wants to talk to you and make sure you're all right."

Addison took the phone. "Yes, Mark, I'm all right."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. Derek and Nancy talking to me helped."

"O.K. Good. O.K. Fine."

"All right. I don't want to keep you from anything that you want to do."

"You're not keeping me from anything, Addie. Nothing is more important than you."

"Right. Still and all, I'd better go."

"All right. You take care now."

"I will. And thanks for caring."

"I'll always care. "

"I know. That might be part of the problem."

"Addie."

"No, it's all right. I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm not going to do anything to hurt the baby or me, I promise."

"All right."

"Bye, Mark."

"Bye, Addie." He sounded reluctant but he did hang up.

"You sure you're all right, Addie?"

"Yes, I'm fine. It's just hard."

'For all of us."

"That's so true."

"But we're doing all right. Trying to, anyway. I think we're all doing all right, all things considered."

Addison couldn't help but laugh; she had to. "That's a lot of all use there, honey."

Derek grinned at her. "I guess it is all that." He then laughed and Addison joined him.

Then Addison spoke. You calling Mark speaks a lot as to the kind of person you really are. You're a better person than I am."

Derek shook his head. "I don't know if I'd go that far. I'm just a regular person who has faults and virtues like anyone else. And anyway, you aren't a bad person."

"How can you say that after I cheated on you?"

"We've gone over this ground before, haven't we? But I guess I'll say it again. I guess I'll keep saying it as often as I must. You did it once. You realized it was wrong. You aren't going to do it again. That's how I say that."

Addison sighed. "I know you're right. I mean, you could have divorced me. You would have been in your right to. I'm glad you didn't, though.

Derek laughed. "Well, as it turns out, love doesn't work like a faucet. You can't turn it on and off at will. Believe me, Addie, I tried."

Addison shook her head. "No, Derek, you didn't really. I mean, I know you're right about love not being like a faucet, but you didn't try to turn it off. If you had, you would have left me. You didn't."

Derek considered this. "All right, maybe. But I don't think we can ever say for sure. That night was a basic clusterfuck in more ways than one."

"You mean because of the cheating and what I almost did."

"Yeah. None of that night was anything like how things were supposed to go."

"I agree with you there."

"Things led up to that night. Things we have to work on"

"I think we are, aren't we?"

"Yes, but it isn't the easiest thing to do."

"I can't argue with that. It's true."

Derek reached over and touched her baby bump. "But whatever work we have to do it has nothing to do with this baby that's coming. He or she is totally innocent, and I pledge to you to never, ever take anything out on him or her."

Addison had tears in her eyes." Oh, Derek, don't you know that I have never thought you would. That's a large part of the reasons I am going through with this."

Derek smiled at her. "And the other reasons?"

Addison sighed. Because you were right all along. I do abortions but I never wanted to ever have one myself. I wanted kids. I wanted to be a mother and a better one than my own."

"I know you will be."

"You're so sure about that."

"Yes, because you are worried about it and question yourself. I don't think Bizzy has ever questioned or doubted herself about anything in her life. She's so sure she's always right. Even when she's wrong."

Addison had to laugh at that. "You know her well."

"Better than I'd like and I sometimes wish I didn't. But I got you from her, though how someone so cold produced someone as warm as you I'll never understand."

"Well, there is that nature vs. nurture thing. She didn't have much to do with raising me. Perhaps that was the saving grace."

"Yeah, maybe it was at that." And they smiled at each other.


	25. Chapter 25

Sorry that it took so long. But I'm back and I hope you are all still with me. We aren't at the end yet, but I can see it. I'm starting to plan the endgame and I hope you will all stay with me while we get there. In the meantime, please let me know what you think of this chapter in a comment. They are my life's blood.

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Chapter 25

The time came for Addison's next appointment. Time continued to align well for all three of them and they made it and were sitting in the office.

Nancy came to escort Addison back. By now that was routine and none of them questioned it anymore.

"So, today we find out if it's a boy or a girl. I'm so excited."

"We also find out if he or she is fine.'

"Are you still worried about that?" Nancy paused in her examination and looked at Addie.

'No. Well, yes, kind of." Addison sighed.

"Then I guess we'd better get on with it so we can get you that ultrasound and reassure you."

With that the exam commenced. "Now you wait here. I'm going to get the ultrasound machine and the guys. I'm assuming you want them both here with you while we look."

Addison nodded. "Yes. They both have a right to be here."

"Do you mean you don't want them here. Because they don't have to be. It's all up to you and you know I'll respect whatever your decision is."

"No, I know that. I do want them here. Not just because it's their right but because I want them both here."

"Well, all right then. Let me go get them." And off she went.

"Hey, guys. I'm giving Addison the ultrasound to check on the baby. Do you want to be there?"

"Does she want me there?" This was Mark.

Nancy nodded. "She wants you both there."

"Then we'll come." This was Derek. And they did.

Once they were all back there Nancy got started. "I'm sorry that the gel will be cold, Addie."

Addison shrugged. "It's all right. I know the drill and I don't mind."

"Then let's go. Oh, and since we will be able to determine sex with this scan, I suggest any of you who don't want to know turn your head. I can tell you before I announce it."

"No, I want to know." This was Addison.

"I do, too." That was Derek.

"And me." That was Mark.

"All righty then. Let's get started."

She turned on the machine and proceeded. "All right. There we have it. Yep, just as I thought. No abnormalities at all. Obviously, the blood I took will be analyzed by a lab, but I can say with a great deal of confidence that it will come back clear. She's perfectly fine."

"She?" That came from all three of them.

"Oh, that's right. Maybe I should have led with that. In any case, yes, Addie, you are having a baby girl. A perfectly fine and healthy baby girl from the looks of things."

"I told you so. See there was nothing to worry about."

"No need to be smug, Derek," His sister told him.

"I'm not. I was just saying."

"Well, you are right and so you might have a right to say that. Just don't make a habit of it."

"Right."

"Anyway, that's all. I'll see you all next month. We're getting to the home stretch now. See you then.'

"I guess it's time to go. You two should leave so I can get re dressed." And they did.

Addison, Derek and Mark all went back to work so there was no time to talk about the appointment until they were at home.

"Are you feeling better about things, Addie?"

Addison nodded. "Yeah. I know my worries sounded stupid to you."

"No, it wasn't the worries per se. I figured every mother and mother to be has those same worries. What bothered me was the reason for your particular worries."

Addison sighed. "I know. I do honestly feel better though, since Nancy cleared the baby."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"So, did I"

"Ah, so you were worried."

"A bit."

"Maybe more than a bit."

"Fine. More than a bit."

"That's not a bad thing, Derek. It means you care. That's a good thing."

"Yeah. But I also at the same time was sure that the baby would be fine. So, Nancy vindicated that neither of us had anything to worry about."

"On this front. There's still a lot of things to worry about. Parenting isn't going to be easy and especially not with three parents."

"True this is a very unorthodox method of parenting we'll be doing. Well, probably not our parenting but the situation. Definitely that."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. But we'll get through it. I know we can do it."

"Well, we have been doing it. It hasn't been easy. But you're right. We aren't doing too bad. We could do worse."

"We have done worse."

She knew he was talking about her cheating. "I'm so sorry."

"I know. I am too."

"For what?" Now she was surprised.

"You didn't cheat in a vacuum. I'm sorry for my part in making a marriage like that."

"Well, you didn't do it alone."

Derek shrugged. "At this point it won't be productive to go into an in-depth analysis of our marriage and try to find points where we can say Addie did this part and Derek did this part. I'm not even sure that it would be possible to sort it out in so neat a package."

"You have a good point there; I have to admit. Life is rarely if ever so neat a package. It's messy and complicated."

"That it is."

Addison smiled at him. "But we go on. Despite everything we are going on. That says a lot about the both of us."

"True."

Derek got up and got a water from the refrigerator. "Want one, Addie?"

"Sure. But you know you can have a beer or a glass of wine if you want. Just because I can't drink right now doesn't mean you have to give it up too."

Derek took two waters out and sat down at the kitchen table again. He passed one water to her. "I know that. But I honestly don't want one. I honestly want to do this as a show of support for you. I honestly don't want a beer or a glass of wine right now."

Addison's eyes filled with tears. This was the man she loved, and this was why she loved him. "Well, in that case, I propose a toast."

"Can you make a toast with water?"

"You can make a toast with anything you want."

"That's in Emily Post?" Derek joked.

"I don't know. I just know that it's true."

"All righty then. Make a toast.'

"I toast to us and our impending child."

"I'll drink to that." So, they clinked bottles and did.


	26. Chapter 26

Here's the next chapter. Not a lot happens in it and there is no revelation at the end. I'm saving that for the next chapter. But I do hope you enjoy anyway and let me know any thoughts you have. I say it every chapter because it is always true. I love your comments.

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Chapter 26

His phone rang. "Hello."

"Hi, Derek. It's Nancy."

"I do have caller I.D on my phone."

"Right. Anyway, I'm calling about something."

"I figured. You going to tell me what it is."

"Yes. Addison's baby shower."

"Come again."

"She has to have one."

This was one of the reasons why Derek hated being surrounded by women all of his life. Because they didn't often make sense. What did he have to do with Addison's baby shower? Wasn't that a woman thing?'

He said as much to Nancy.

"True, but you know how she is. She still has a lot of mixed feelings and much guilt over things. I'm afraid that that would hinder her enjoyment of a baby shower."

"I have to admit that you have a good point there." Nancy had nailed Addison in this regard. "But what does this have to do with me?'

"I want to give her a baby shower. I need her to register some place and I need a guest list from her. I think I have an idea of who she would want to invite but I need a definite list. So, no, the shower won't be a surprise, but I'd rather have a good one. I need you to broach the subject with her. Tell her I want to give her one. If it comes from you, it will reinforce the truth, that you are supportive of this pregnancy and that she does have a right to joy over it. Do you see what I mean?"

"I do" He did, and he had to admit it was a very clever idea on Nancy's part. Not that he was going to tell her that. He'd rather gouge his own eyes out with a soup spoon.

"So, you'll bring up the shower to her?"

"I will."

"Excellent. Thank you, Derek."

"You're welcome. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

So when he got home he took the bull by the horns. "Nancy called me today."

Addison looked up at him in surprise. "Is something wrong with the baby? I thought I was all clear."

"No, no, this has nothing to do with your or the baby's health. It's about the baby shower. Nancy wants to give you one."

Addison was staring at him. "This is the last thing I expected."

"I don't know why. You've been in the family long enough to know baby and wedding showers are serious business to them."

"I know but under the circumstances…"

"That doesn't matter, Addie. You're having a baby and adding to the family. That should be celebrated." He sat down beside her and put his arm around her. "So go register somewhere and give me a guest list for Nancy. Or better yet, you call her with it and just have you women handle women business."

Addison snorted. "Will do, Derek. But I do think it's better to keep both our mothers off the guest list.'

"That's all right with me. We need to move on to our other problem."

"What's that?"

"Names. We need to come up with a name. And no offense to your family line but Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd is a bit long of a name for a girl. It won't do her any favors, much like Tikki Tikki Tembo didn't have any favors done with his name."

Addison smiled. "I know the book and I agree. That still leaves us with the problem of figuring out a name. If we figure one out, I can take it and announce it at the shower Nancy's giving me. That should make her happy."

"So, you are agreeing to the shower."

Addison nodded. "I'll just keep it to our sisters, Savvy and maybe a few colleagues. I don't think getting either of our mothers involved would be a good thing."

"You're probably right.'

"Anyway, on to names. You got any thoughts?"

"A first name and a middle name. Not Montgomery, though."

"I agree. Even I think my name is too long, which is why I only ever went by Montgomery-Shepherd."

"It meant a lot to me that you took my name."

"It meant a lot to me that you were willing to give it to me."

For a few minutes they just looked at each other with love. Then Derek broke the spell. "All right. Back to the serious business of naming our daughter."

"Should we pick an A name? A D names?"

"I think she deserves her own letter."

"Which still leaves us with 24."

Derek shook his head. "No. We can eliminate Z, U, X. I don't think any good names start with those letters. For a girl, anyway."

"All right. So we just have to figure out a good first and middle name for her. Not going to be easy."

"We don't wan to name her after anybody. That's a given. She deserves her won name."

Addison smiled at him. "That's just what I was thinking. We are still very in sync with each other, even after all that has happened."

"I guess our bond was stronger than we ever knew."

Addison leaned back into the couch. "I nearly broke it but it turns out I didn't. I'm not ever going to do anything to put our marriage in jeopardy again. I learned my lesson. It may be hard but if I ever feel that desperate again, I will shout out loud to you. But I don't think I'll feel that way again."

Derek nodded. "I don't want to ever behave in a way that you feel that again either. So, with us both doing our parts we should be all right. But we won't take it for granted. We'll just keep on keeping on with the work."

"And adding a child to the mix is going to change things."

"Yes. I'm not denying it will be hard, especially with Mark involved. But I am working on coming to terms with that. I know I won't ever take anything out on her."

"That I am sure of. But speaking of her we should get down to the matter at hand and pick out a name for her."

"I agree" And they were off on the discussion.


	27. Chapter 27

Baby girl's name will be revealed in this chapter. Thank you to my husband who helped me with it. I had thought of one but not the order of the first and middle name. He helped me decide on that. Thank you, my love. Also thank you to all my readers for following along. Special thanks to those that leave comments. They mean the world to me so yes, please keep them coming and I will love you forever.

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Chapter 27

"And now it's present time," Nancy exclaimed. "Come on Addison, get into the throne of honor and we'll start."

"I'm fortified by the delicious food we just had, so I'll take down the notes of what each present is and who it is from, so thank you notes will be a breeze." Kathleen volunteered.

"Fine with me. Let's start." Nancy handed a present to Addison. "This one came all the way from California, so let's start with that."

Addison smiled. "It's from Naomi. How sweet of her to go through all the trouble of sending it, even though she couldn't be here."

"Jut hurry up and open it so we can see what it is." That was from Amy, the youngest Shepherd sister. It made everyone laugh and Addison opened the present.

"It's a baby monitoring system. Just what everyone needs."

"Yes. And by the way, since I'm the one hosting this shower, I think it's only fair that my present come next."

"Nancy, this shower is present enough. You didn't have to get me another present too."

"Yes, I did. Now hurry up and open it."

"I will but before I do, I want to announce the name of our daughter. It's going to be Faith Hope Shepherd."

There were exclamations of delight and questions on how they came up with that name. So, Addison explained. "Because Derek kept the faith in me, even after what I did. So, there is hope for us and our marriage. And this baby reflects that and so, that is how we got her name."

"It's a wonderful name for a wonderful baby." Nancy declared. The others agreed.

Then she opened Nancy's gift. It was a crib. Addison gasped. "I didn't really expect any big presents because Derek and I can afford to buy them ourselves."

"Yes, and I can afford to too. So, can everyone here. So just shut up and enjoy." Nancy ordered.

"All right." Addison laughed.

"Can we just go on with the presents? Mine next." Amy was bouncing up and down like a little kid, but she was the youngest Shepherd sister, so it was appropriate.

"All right." Addison reached for the package Amy handed her. It was a baby swing. A fitting present for the youngest one there. "Thank you."

"Here, open mine next." This was from Kathleen.

"All right." She did. "A highchair. That is certainly needed. "Thank you."

"How about mine next since I'm the only Shepherd sister who hasn't had their gift opened yet?" That was Liz.

"Fine by me." Addison took the package from Liz. "A changing table. Yes, we'll definitely need that Thank you."

"Now that you got all the presents from your sisters out of the way, open mine now." This was Savvy.

"I'm opening it now." It was a playpen.

"Kid's got to have a safe place to have fun. What's life without fun?"

"You have a good point, Sav. Thank you."

"Open mine next." This was from Amanda Hayes, Addison's second in command of the neonatal department.

"All right. I will." She did. "A stroller. How wonderful."

"You live across the street from Central Park. You're going to want to take the baby for walks there. This will come in handy for that."

"Yes, yes, it will. Thank you"

"I'm just overwhelmed by the love and support I've been shown here. Thank you all."

"Not hard at all to show you love and support because we all love and support you. That is easy to do because you love and support all of us." If Nancy sounded a bit preachy and bossy-well-that was to be expected.

"Well, between all the gifts, I'd say caring for this baby will be a breeze."

Kathleen laughed. "No, it won't be. It will be hard. Yeah, the gifts will help but it'll still be hard. But you'll love it, Addie. You're going to be a great mommy."

"Will I? I hope so. I have to admit that I'm so very scared."

"You? The baby expert? The top neonatal surgeon in the country? Really?" Amy was surprised.

"Being a baby doctor and baby surgeon is very different from being a baby mommy." Addison pointed out.

Nancy nodded. "Yes, yes, it is. It's very normal to be scared. I was. But Addie, you're not alone. You have all of us. Those of us with children can relate to what you're going through, and we'll be here for you every step of the way."

Addison smiled at Nancy and then turned so that her smile reached all of them because it was for all of them. "I really appreciate all the support I'm getting. It means so much to me. You'll never know how much."

"I think we do know. Or at least can guess," put in Kathleen.

"Yes, I think you can at that. Thank you thank, all of you. I'm so grateful to have you all in my life."

"We feel the same way about you, Addie." This was from Liz.

Addison smiled. She looked at the pile of presents. "Derek is going to have his work cut out for him in putting all these things together."

Amy laughed. "You mean you're going to have him put everything together by himself. You're not going to help him. That's not very feminist of you." Everyone laughed.

"Maybe it isn't. But I don't mind. There is nothing wrong with the daddy putting the baby stuff together."

"Here, here." That was Nancy. "Let's toast to that."

"I can't drink"

"We still have cider left."

"Then let's toast."

Everyone got a glass. Nancy made the toast. "To Addison and Derek and putting baby furniture and things together. The journey of parenthood is not an easy road. But you'll both do great and we all are eagerly awaiting the newest family member. We all can't wait to meet her."

Here, here." The toast was drunk.

"Well, I guess it's time to pack it in and go home." That was Nancy.

"So soon. But you haven't even opened our presents." That voice was unmistakable.

Everyone turned around. There, live and in living color, in the flesh and all that jazz was Bizzy Montgomery. As if that wasn't bad enough, Carolyn Shepherd was there too.

In the space it took for a breath to be taken, things had just suddenly gotten a lot more interesting.


	28. Chapter 28

I'm back with a new chapter. I'm sorry if the wait was too long. I remain committed to this story, but it is summertime and I want to enjoy the summer. So, I'm trying to balance life, writing and enjoying the summer. I hope you will understand and will still follow this story and give me the feedback I crave. Thank you.

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Chapter 28

For the longest time, no one moved; they just stared. Finally, Nancy got it together enough to say something. She was the hostess of this party, after all. It was on her to say something; if it was on anyone. "Welcome. A bit late to the party but that's all right."

"We wouldn't have been late to the party at all if we'd actually gotten an invitation, you know" Carolyn reminded her daughter.

"Yes, well, we wanted a peaceful and fun shower for Addison."

"And without us, you thought that is what you would get." This was Bizzy and she said it in her indomitable Bizzy way.

"I-uh-well-never mind. There is still some food left. Why don't you sit down, make yourselves comfortable, have some food and Adison can then open your presents?"

The two older women agreed to this.

"How did you find out about the shower, anyway?" Lizzie asked the question that was on all their minds.

"We're mothers. We have our ways." Carolyn smiled at them all.

It was on the tip of Addison's tongue to point out that while that may have applied to Carolyn, it didn't apply to Bizzy because. Bizzy barely even qualified as a mother at all.

But she didn't because the last thing she wanted to do was to stir up that pot of shit at her own baby shower. It would have cast a pall over her own impending motherhood and that was the last thing she and her daughter needed.

Bizzy and Carolyn sat, and Nancy got them some food and wine. Each had a little of everything.

"Aren't you going to open our presents, dear?" That was Bizzy.

"Um—yeah—sure."

Carolyn's was bigger and so Addison started with that. It was a 3 in 1 car seat. "Thank you. This is needed."

Bizzy's was just an envelope. But Addison gasped when she opened it. "A trust fund? You started a trust fund for the baby."

"Separate from yours and Archer's, yes. The Captain and I felt it would be the best gift for our first grandchild."

"I-I don't know what to say."

"Thank you might be nice." Bizzy said this drily.

"Oh, of course. Of course. Thank you. Thank you very much."

"You're welcome."

And there wasn't much to be said after that. Polite chit chat went on but not for long. The shower had been winding down anyway and so nobody saw much reason to keep it going any longer than its natural end.

Addison's sisters helped load the baby presents into her car. "You be sure to get Derek to unload all this stuff." Nancy admonished her. "I don't care if you have to spread unloading out over several days. You don't risk it. Do you understand?"

Addison nodded. "Yes, Nancy, I do. Don't worry. I'm not going to risk either me or the baby."

"Good. See that you don't. We're in the home stretch now."

"I know, I waddle rather than walk so, I am well aware of that."

Nancy laughed as Addison got in her car and drove way. Addison made a quick call while stopped at a light. "I'm on my way home, Derek."

When she got to the brownstone, she found Derek waiting for her. She parked in their garage. He went up to her. "So, let's see the loot."

Addison laughed. "All here. But it's late. I think the big stuff should be unloaded tomorrow."

"Fine by me." They went inside. "How was the shower? 

"Fine until Bizzy and your mother showed up."

"What? How did they find out about it?"

"Beats the hell out of me. Carolyn said something about how mothers always find things out."

"That doesn't apply to Bizzy, though."

"That's what I was thinking."

"Did you say it?"

"Of course not. I didn't want to start World War Three at my baby shower."

"That was smart of you."

"I thought so."

"Well, anyway, come on inside. It's getting late."

Addison followed him inside.

"So, how was the shower before the mothers arrived?"

"It was actually great. I got some much-needed gifts. But honestly, what was better than even that was feeling the love everyone had for me."

Derek stopped.

"What?"

"Love."

"What about it?"

"You need it. We all do. But I think because of your deprived in the love department upbringing you need more showing of love than someone who wasn't emotionally neglected would need"

Addison blushed. "I'm sorry if I'm so needy."

"No, no. I wasn't meaning it as a criticism. I'm just making the connection so I can be a better husband and give you what you need. This way you won't ever have to go looking for it outside the marriage again."

"And I'm going to be a better wife and never cheat on you again."

"I believe you."

"You do?' Addison looked so shocked that Derek almost laughed. But he managed not to because this was important.

"I do because if I didn't, I wouldn't still be here. I would have left you and gone to Seattle. Or anywhere else. When you're at the top of you field you tend to have your pick of jobs. You know this too."

"That's true, I do."

"And you must also believe too because you are staying here and trying your best. It takes two to work on a marriage, Addie. I'm not doing it alone. I can't."

"You need me to work on it too, as I need you to work on it as well."

"Yes. And we are both doing it."

"Which is good. It wouldn't do for our daughter to grow up in the kind of dysfunctional family I did. I want her to have the love and stability I never had."

"And she will. Because while there is no such thing as a completely functional family, I know we will damn sure do better than Bizzy and the Captain did."

"Here, here. We should make a toast to that."

"All right. Let's go to the kitchen." Addison followed Derek there. He got out two waters. "To raising our daughter and doing a better job than our parents did." They drank.

"But Derek, your parents didn't do a bad job with you. They were nothing like mine."

"I know. But I didn't like signaling out your parents. We all knew who we meant. Besides we can always do better than our parents. I think that's the goal. It's not saying my parents were bad. I think they'd understand."

"Maybe not your mother, though."

Derek laughed. "No, maybe not her. But my dad would for sure, I think. I wish he were still here to meet her."

Addison reached across the kitchen table and took his hand. "He knows and is here"

"You really believe that?"

"Yes, I think I do."

"I think I do, too." And they smiled at each other.


	29. Chapter 29

So, I'm sad about the summer ending and hope you wouldn't mind giving me some reviews. They would cheer me up immensely. This chapter is a bit shorter than my others, but I just felt it ended in a good place. I will still try for longer chapters as a rule because I enjoy them myself. So, here's the chapter.

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Chapter 29

Being in the home stretch meant that at long last Addison's maternity leave had started. Which was a good thing because she was now so tired all the time. Being at home made it easier to take a nap when she needed to. And she always needed to.

One day she woke from her nap to hear something coming from the soon to be nursery. She went to investigate.

"Derek!"

"Hi, Addie. Did I wake you? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

Addison gestured indifferently. "That doesn't matter. I'm fine. But what are you doing here?"

"What does it look like I'm doing here?"

"Painting the room pink."

"Bingo."

"But we could have hired painters to do that."

Derek laughed. "You're such a Forbes- Montgomery. Well, I'm working class and us working class never hires anyone to do a job we can do ourselves. I mean, if I can handle a surgeon's scalpel and I can, I can certainly handle a paintbrush. Without getting the paint all over everything." He gestured to the room.

Addison looked around. Everything in the room was covered with tarpaulins.

"I'm sure you can. Only it's too bad neither of us thought about painting the room before the shower. It could have been painted while the nursery was still empty"

"True. But it's still no big deal this way. I'm doing all right, if I do say so myself." He grinned at her.

Addison looked around at the room. "You are; you really are. It's looking good, Daddy." Then she blushed.

But Derek was beaming at her. "Thank you, Mommy."

"Wow! It's really going to happen. I'm going to have a baby."

"Yes, yes, you are."

"And you've been so great throughout all of this. I can never thank you enough."

"You don't have to thank me, Addie. I signed on for better or worse Not that I'm saying her arrival will be bad."

Addison shook her head. "No, I know what you meant. But you didn't sign on to raise another man's child, did you?"

"I thought we agreed that she was my child in all the ways that count?"

"We did. It's just that…."

"You still feel guilty."

"Yeah."

"You are going to have to work through that."

"I know. I'm trying."

"But it's not easy."

No."

"Well, we're talking about it. That should help."

"Yes."

"Well, why don't we talk about something more pleasant. What are you looking forward to the most about motherhood?'

Addison frowned. No one had ever asked her that question. It was hard to answer. What could she say?

"I honestly don't know, Derek. I never thought about it before. Everything, I guess. I mean, I've heard motherhood stories for years from your sisters and my patients. It's still very unreal to me that I'm actually in their place now."

"I can understand that."

"You can?"

"Yeah. It's your specialty and you're not used to being on the receiving end of pregnancy treatment. But for what it's worth, I think you're doing very well. Most of the time."

"Good to hear. I think it's better if I work through my guilt issues before she comes. I mean, I know she's going to be a baby for a long time, and it will be even longer before she's even old enough to even try to get the messed-up way that she was conceived. But the earlier I do work through it the better it will be for her. Because I don't want her to ever suffer for my mistake or to think she is one."

"If she ever does think that we'll set her straight. I can help with that, even more than you, I think."

Addison was intrigued. "How so?"

"Because in this triangle triad sort of thing it would be generally agreed that I was the innocent injured party."

"Right. I agree but how does that help you help her?"

"Because if I as that innocent injured party can forgive and still step up to be her father, then she who had nothing to do with anything can see that there is nothing wrong with forgiving and forgetting. Especially since she has nothing to be forgiven for. At least, not until she hits her teens. Then judging from how her aunts were at that age there'll be a lot of stuff we'll have to forgive her for." Derek gave Addison a mischievous smile.

Addison burst out laughing. "Oh, only the girls. You were the golden child and a very good boy."

"Of course." Then they both laughed.

Addison looked around at the nursery. "She's going to be here soon. I want to feel ready, but I don't. I hope I won't screw things up."

"You won't. And not feeling ready is natural. Nobody ever feels ready, but they just do it and it turns out all right."

"Not all the time judging from all the child abuse and neglect in the world."

"But you're not going to do that to our daughter, are you?"

"Of course not."

"There you go."

"But Derek, there is so much more to good parenting than just not being abusive or neglectful."

"I know that and so do you. You are going to be very good at it because it will come natural"

How do you know that?"

Because I know you, Addie."

And looking at him, Addison felt that he just might be right.


	30. Chapter 30

And another chapter for you guys. Please review. We're getting close to what you all want, the baby's birth but I shall have to do some research for that so if the next chapter or two or however long it takes is a longer wait than usual, that is why. So, please bear with me, review and I'll keep on trucking. Thank you for your support.

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Chapter 30

And before long they were all three at Nancy's again.

"This is probably going to be the last appointment. The next time I see you I'll be delivering her, most likely."

"You're so excited about that, aren't you?"

Nancy nodded. "Yes, yes I am. I've been telling you for years to get off your butt and just have a baby already because you'll be awesome at motherhood and now it's finally happening, and I get to be a part of it and I'm over the moon. I'm so beyond excited."

"Even though it's Mark's baby? Because you and I both assumed the baby you wanted me to finally have would be Derek's."

Nancy shrugged. "Yes, I did assume that but I'm also not condemning you for the situation as it is. I never have."

Addison nodded. "No, that's true. You never have."

"Besides, isn't it really Derek's baby in all the ways that count?"

"You aren't the only one to have said that. Derek said it too.'

"Well, isn't it true?"

"Yes, I think so. I still have so much guilt to work through over this."

"Keep on doing that. You have time but you do want to have worked through it by the time of her senior prom." Nancy gave her a sly grin

Addison had to laugh. "Oh, Nancy, you've been so great throughout all of this. What would I ever do without you?'

"Luckily, you'll never have to find out"

Addison was lucky and she knew it. There had ben a very real possibility that her mistake would have cost her everything. Sometimes she could hardly believe it hadn't.

But it hadn't. She was still married to Derek; the love of her life and he was stepping up to be the baby's father.

Of course, there was till the reality of Mark, the baby's actual father. But even there, she was starting to believe things could be worked out.

She said as much to Derek once they were at home.

He nodded. "It won't be easy, and I'm not going to lie and pretend I'm thrilled that Mark will have to have a role in this baby's life, but it is what it is. I have my things to work on too."

"Well, we're both working on our things. I have to say that I'm thrilled that we're doing it together. My mistake could have so easily cost me everything and I'm so beyond grateful that it didn't."

"Yes, well, it isn't as easy at it might seem to throw away eleven years of marriage, even with the serious infraction of cheating. But we're putting it behind us and moving forward."

"Derek, it won't ever be totally behind us, though, because we'll have her as a constant reminder." Addison's voice was breaking.

Derek shook his head. "No, we won't Addie, because she won't be that. She'll just be our child."

Addison blinked back tears. "I know you really mean that, don't you?"

Derek nodded. "Yes, yes, I do."

"I don't feel as if I deserve either you or her."

Derek shook his head. "Now that is nonsense. You aren't perfect; that's true. Then again, neither am I and I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. If I hadn't really wanted to stay, I would have left."

"I'm very glad and grateful that you did stay."

"Me too. Especially since…' he trailed off.

"What?"

"Never mind."

"No. You need to tell me. We need to communicate as you've pointed out."

She was right. So here went nothing. "If I had left, would we have her? Or would you? Assuming you got pregnant from that night or since I'm gone there would be more and you got pregnant that way, would you have kept her? I mean, I'm here and you almost didn't, right."

Addison was stunned. This was the last thing she had expected him to delve into. And did she even have any answers for him. Or for herself, for that matter.

"I don't know that I can answer that, Derek because I honestly don't know. I mean, yes, you're probably right that I wouldn't have kept her because getting you back would have been my only priority, but I honestly can't say that for sure."

Derek nodded. "I suppose it's a useless and pointless question, anyway because I obviously didn't leave."

Addison shook her head. "No, it is neither useless nor pointless. I understand why you would wonder and want to know. The problem is I can't say for sure what I would have done because that didn't happen."

He nodded. "Well, for what it's worth I'm glad it didn't happen. You aborting when you didn't want to just because of me would have just been piling one mistake on top of another."

"I don't want to make any more mistakes, Derek."

"I don't think you can avoid that. I don't think any of us can."

"Fine. I'll rephrase. I want to avoid making any more mistakes of the kind that nearly cost us our marriage."

Derek smiled. "Nice use of legalese, Addie. I think you've been hanging around Savvy too long. But, good resolution, anyway."

"Objection. There is no such thing as hanging around Savvy too much. Would you say that about Weiss?"

"No, I wouldn't. Fine. Objection sustained.' Then they both laughed.

"In all seriousness, though, we can't go back and change the past and alter things we've done. What we can do is look toward the future and keep working towards a good one."

"She can do better, be better than me."

"You're not such a bad person, Addison."

"No but don't we always want our children to be better than us?"

"If at all possible."

"It is possible and I'm not going to raise her like my parents raised me. Or to be more accurate, how they didn't."

"Well, don't I have some say in it, too?"

"Yes. I was just reiterating."

"Well, don't make a habit of forgetting me, all right."

"I could never forget you."

And that was, in a nutshell their marriage. Both were unforgettable.


	31. Chapter 31

I know it's been too long. Sorry. The holidays and everything. But I'm back and I hope you are still with me and will let me know. We're almost done with this story and then I'll start another. So, on we go.

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Chapter 31

And so, the night did come when in the middle of a sound sleep Addison was awakened by the gush of fluid. Her water had broken, and her first thought was so very Addison. 'I'm glad we changed to the least nice sheet set because now they're ruined, and I would have hated to ruin any of the nice sets'

The second thought was 'Holy Shit! I'm going into labor!'

Derek stirred. "What is it?' came his sleepy vice.

"I'm sorry to wake you up but my water just broke."

That woke him up in a hurry. "Holy shit! We've got to get you to the hospital."

"Yeah, that would be good. Do you want to call Nancy or should I?"

"I'll do it. You just grab your bag and then we'll go." He was already reaching for his phone and pressing Nancy's number on speed dial. "Hello. Nancy. Addie's water just broke. I'm going to take her to the hospital now."

"All right, Derek. I'm on my way and I'll see you there." Then the connection was broken.

"She's going to meet us there. So, let's get going." He paused, noting the look of terror on Addison's face. "It's going to be all right, Addie. You got this and Nancy and I will be with you every step of the way."

"I know…it's just…"

He smiled at her. "I know. It will be fine. Come on. Let's just go."

And so they went. Nancy was there and Addison was admitted promptly.

Once Addison was in her hospital gown and all situated Nancy smiled at her. "I don't have to tell you that we're going to be here awhile since it's your first baby, but you'll be all right. Derek and I will be with you every step of the way."

Addison smiled weakly but still looked terror stricken. "Nancy, I don't think I can do this."

"But Addie, you're an expert at this. Of course you can." Derek was shocked.

"Derek can I see you over here for a minute? We'll be right back, Addison." Nancy pulled him aside.

"Derek, it doesn't matter how much of an expert in this field she is; right now, she isn't; that expert; right now she's just a patient and it's her first time going through this. You're an expert brain surgeon, tops in your field too and you want to tell me that if you needed brain surgery, you'd be all cool, calm and collected and not scared and terrified out of your mind."

"You're right. I didn't think of it that way. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just go back there and be there for her, giving her the reassurance, she needs. Because she can do it and it's your job to make her see that. Got it?'

"Got it. Let's go." And they went back to Addison.

"How are you doing, Addison?" Derek asked.

"Not good. I hurt and I'm uncomfortable. I know I'm supposed to be an expert in all of this, but I'm really scared."

"It's different when it's you, Addie and you've never done this before. At least not as the patient. But you are doing very well. It will be all right." Nancy was very confident and reassuring.

"All right. You're right. I can do this. It won't be easy bit I can do this."

Labor was very intense. Often Addison wanted to just push and get it over with but she knew she wasn't dilated yet. If she was, Nancy would tell her. There's no way Nancy would unnecessarily torture her. The actual torture was wanting to push and knowing she couldn't and why.

Finally. "You can push now, Addie."

"Really?"

"Yes."

But at this point Addison was so tired she couldn't. "I can't do it."

"Yes, you can." Derek's voice came from behind her where he was holding her up. He kissed the top of her head. "You can and you will bring our little girl into the world. She's counting on you, Mommy."

And that did it. "Here goes." And she screamed and she cried and she pushed and it seemed to take forever but at long last it was done. A cry was heard.

"Congratulations Mommy and Daddy. You have a brand new baby girl." And just like that everything she had gone through was totally worth it to Addison.


End file.
